Selfish
by Chiikara
Summary: COMPLETE, yaoi. OvanHaseo Ovan wants a wedding, and Haseo wants an explanation. Falling in love is nothing like the fairy tale they made it out to be.
1. Shady

A/N: I have this odd fascination with yaoi, and this odd fascination with cross dressing, and a complete love for G.U. slash, and what do you know, I haven't done any plausible Ovan/Haseo yet! We must fix that problem….heh.

This was partly inspired by the wedding event at the end of volume three. Such fun.

There are a few issues here and there, so I'll point them out now so you don't get confused.

1. Ovan's arm – I really don't know. I don't know how that man does things with only one arm. I don't know how he intends to save everybody with only. one. arm. I have no idea how he does it. So if you're reading and suddenly you think, "wouldn't that be awkward with just one arm?" Well, you probably thought right. But just ignore it.

2. I didn't pick a specific time for this to be set in, but it's after Haseo meets all the G.U. members and main characters, but before he finds out about Ovan's plans and family and secrets and all that volume-three like stuff. So I suppose Haseo should be in his second form for this, but I didn't specify at all, so you can put him in any form you like, even Xth. It's all good.

3. The rating…let's say R to be safe. Suggestive things, cursing, all that fun stuff. But no sex. I've been doing a lot of extremely out of character role playing recently and kind of ran back to this fic once I was done to get back into character again. So no sex, just suggestiveness. XD

And finally – Ovan is a damn rating all on his own! Just think of him in this fic as the way he came across during G.U.'s progression– creepy and mysterious in the beginning but slowly more understandable by the end.

SPOILERS … for this chapter, there are none. For later chapters, there will be spoilers up to volume two, and maybe by the ending we'll have some spoilers for volume three. Also, expect spoilers on some random tidbits about the real life Haseo and Ovan – "Ryou Misaki" and "Masato Indou"

I can't tell you how long it will take to finish this (IE: I could take FOREVER between updates because fanfiction is most definitely not my first priority right now), but do expect more.

And that's all. Till next time.

SELFISH

He had ventured out here because Ovan had called him. Or to be specific, wrote him. The letter had been short, not his normal cryptic, wordy invitations, but something almost curious in it's simplicity. "I've been thinking about something I'd like to share with you." he had written, and then he had left an area word. That was the second thing that disarmed him, the area word. Usually when Ovan wanted to speak with him, he suggested they meet at one of the lost grounds. Haseo had always seen it as fitting, as those places seemed to match Ovan best, as far as their mystery went. But no – he had used an area word.

Haseo stared at it uncertainly for a moment before logging back in to look for him. There was no question about not going. Ovan wasn't the type to call him out just to spend time together or to level up. He'd never call just to stammer or tell a joke or talk about the news the way the others would.

When he arrived, he assumed the older man had left to the beast statue. Grudgingly, he began to head in the direction indicated by his map, grumbling to himself about annoyances and what a waste of time this was. He defeated the monsters in his way as he headed to the temple entrance, and for the most part, things went normally. It seemed his inventory was always full these days, and he carelessly replaced whatever was on top with whatever weapons and items he received, not even bothering to look at their names before he did so. He supposed at the most he'd lose a few items. Big deal - he wanted to get to the damn statue.

The field wasn't small, maybe just short of what he would consider large. His HP was halved, and he began to walk rather than run, noticing how he had began to subconsciously lean over, exhausted, and again, cursing Ovan or it. It was such an easy blame to shift. Damn him, damn him and his dark eyes and his dark smile and his stupid letters. Damn that man.

He glanced up and saw a particularly large monster, something with crooked teeth and pinprick eyes and oversized fists. He groaned, drawing his weapon, but immediately one of the thing's fists had connected with his cheek, and he went flying, his body slamming against the opaque barrier that had sprung up around them. It began to close in on him. He pushed himself to his feet, drawing his equipped broadsword and holding it tightly in both hands. Immediately he noticed the way his arms seemed to buckle with it's strength, and glancing at his stats, cursed when he realized just how badly the blow had left him. There was exactly three HP left, and even holding himself upright seemed like a chore.

"You'll get you later." he growled, taking a smoke screen from his inventory and quickly throwing it up into the air. The monster did a double take as he fled, taking the few steps left to the temple entrance and hiding inside quickly. As soon as the smoke cleared, he kicked the ground with frustration, feeling foolish. It had been his policy never to run from battle. But today he had been careless. Today…

Instinctively he opened his mouth to declare that Ovan was going to hear it for this, but quickly shut it, looking up at the temple door that now should have been the only thing separating them. No, he couldn't complain to Ovan. What would Ovan think of him if just one field had left him this weary? It would be too humiliating, especially since strength seemed to be the older man's one obsession. The field had been twelve levels too high, but how could Ovan have known that it was too tough for him? He had probably assumed by now that Haseo could handle it.

Maybe he should just leave. Maybe he should go out and raise his level until it was more impressive, then come back, then…

…no, he had already come this far. Sighing, Haseo opened the last temple door, wondering vaguely why Ovan had to have chosen a field…

…and then looking up into the steam gunner's face, and suddenly knowing why exactly.

"Wh-what are you…" he began to stutter, resisting the urge to scramble a few steps back. "Looking at me like that for?" but he knew, of course. He was already hunched over from the last fight, his hair dishelmed, his face flushed with heat, and Ovan was giving him a strange, almost ravenous look, as if he had never seen someone out of breath before.

"Looking at you?" he replied in a calm voice that didn't match his eyes. "What do you mean by that, Haseo?"

"Never mind." he huffed, trying to gather himself together. It was a trick of the eye, he told himself. Or maybe it was those glasses. Whatever it was, it couldn't be what he had originally thought. Ovan would never do something so childish as to look him over so shamelessly.

"Do you need help, Haseo?" he continued in that silky voice of his. "You seem tired."

"I'm fine…"

"Are you sure?" he pressed.

"Of course I'm sure!" he snapped back, and now the feeling of unease returned as Ovan's eyes flickered from his face briefly to his body, then averted away. Haseo felt his face grow hot again. That he knew he hadn't imagined. But…well, he was looking _out_ for him, not _at _him. He tried to tell himself that, repeat it in his head, feeling increasingly foolish every passing minute. The silence overhead them was maddening.

"Well?" he asked at long last.

"Yes?" Ovan replied gently.

"What did you call me out here for?" he said. "Did something happen?"

Still staring. Haseo began to feel impatience, and then, when the older man continued to feel nothing, panic. Ovan's eyes were back at his chest again…watching him breath, he thought. Suddenly he felt like a butterfly pinned to a corkboard. It was unnerving.

"I understand things aren't going well for you." Ovan spoke after what seemed like an eternity of nothing.

"People are getting hurt..." he mumbled, trying to keep the topic to a minimum.

"But that can't be all." he continued. "I can see you changing, Haseo."

"Just like you wanted." he said softly, almost mockingly.

"I wanted you stronger." Ovan corrected. "Now you are steadily weaker."

"Yeah, well….!" The impatience grew. "This isn't about you! This isn't about being stronger!" he stuttered for a moment, stunned by his own bitterness. "I'm _trying!"_ he hissed, and briefly he found the chance to hate himself for his contradiction. "Can't you see I'm _trying!? _At least I'm doing better than you are, Ovan! At least I'm not abandoning them!"

"Is that so…" he smiled faintly.

"Yes, '_that's so.'_" Haseo said shortly. "And what about Shino, huh? I'm working to get Shino back, while you…all you do is watch and stare!" He fumbled again. "And _stare!"_ he repeated hatefully. "And _still _you're staring! Do you think this funny?!"

"Will you marry me?"

"_NO,_ you bastard! I – _…what?_" He froze. Ovan smiled at him, so calmly, so distantly he thought for a moment he might have imagined his bizarre request. "_What?_" he whispered again.

"Will you marry me?" Ovan repeated evenly. Haseo could only gape, all of his defenses shattered by that one, simple line. At first it seemed he could think of nothing, and then a tiny voice whispered in his head; _so he __was__ staring at me? That wasn't your imagination after all? _He began to feel suddenly, horribly nauseous. "Are you playing with me?" It seemed the only possible answer.

"Would I do that, Haseo?"

"Yes! You would!"

"I'm being serious." he said, sounding mildly entertained at the whole situation. Haseo wanted to slap him. "Don't you believe me?"

"Of course I don't!" He looked down at his hands; a little thin, but strong, and thought of the seriousness of actually slapping him. It wouldn't get them anywhere, but it sure would make him feel better. "You disappear on and off, you walk away when I ask you to wait, you're always up to something – and now you ask me _that?!_" He balled his hands into fists. "You never even told me that you…you…"

"That I loved you?" He dared softly.

"Yes!" He caught himself. "_No!_ I mean – YES, damn it!" Ovan took a step closer. "You never told me anything like that!"

"When did you expect me to?" Another step. "When I first revived you that day? When you were still getting PKed by strangers? When you used to cringe at everything, Haseo? Do you remember?"

"Stop it…" he growled. But Ovan had no intention of stopping.

"Or what about when we were reunited at the waterfall? All you cared about was Shino, and Tri-Edge. Did you really want me to ruin your revenge act with a personal declaration? You couldn't have handled it, Haseo. And besides, I needed you to be stronger."

He was closer now, close enough for Haseo to reach out and brush his fingertips against the pale blue of his scarf. "Then why now…?"

"'Why now'…?" Ovan repeated thoughtfully. "Perhaps because when this is all over, I might not have been able to tell you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Really." Ovan reached out and carefully took his face in his hands, something Haseo knew immediately was a wish fulfilled as soon as they made contact. There was a surprising gentleness, an almost fearful sort of way in which it was done that hypnotized him, made him lost in the idea that what he said could have been true. He couldn't remember the last time Ovan had touched him, perhaps because there was _never_ a time that Ovan had touched him. They always had that tacit distance, that unspoken threat that said _don't tangle with me_. And he hadn't. He had never even thought about it.

But that was a lie, and he knew it. Because he _had_ thought about it. Somewhere down the line, Haseo had wondered, and perhaps that was why the spell lasted so long, that was why he stood so perfectly still when Ovan finally dared to kiss him.

There was something very taboo about the whole experience of kissing. He had never kissed anyone within the game before – or to be more precise, had never been kissed, though he had come quite close to something with Shino long ago, before he had ever met Tri-Edge. Mostly he found himself just standing there, being awed by him, waiting for the moment that he was sure would come in which Ovan would pull away and laugh and it would all be a joke, thank god, just some stupid joke gone a little too far (because when had he last had his feelings toyed with so openly, here in the World?) and then they'd both look away and perhaps they'd be awkward around each other for a few weeks, but it was a small price to pay to know there was no responsibility and no new love.

Of course that moment never came. Ovan's kiss was strange and different, much different that he would have ever thought. He was surprisingly hesitant at first – just at first. Those hands were still tentative on his face, then firm on his shoulders, then wrapped tightly around his waist, drawing him closer. Haseo felt his shoulders being crushed by one broad hand, and when the older man drew away for a moment, he looked up into his face and saw a different look in his eyes.

"Uh..?"

His paralysis was broken. The spell was broken. He took a step backward, speechless, one hand touching his lips instinctively. "You…"

"Me." Ovan acknowledged evenly.

"You…_kissed_…me…" he managed through tiny breathes.

"It was only a kiss." He pointed out. "There's more to love than just kisses, Haseo."

"M-more..?" He whispered, turning his face away. His fingers were shaking against his lips, and gradually he felt a burning, rushing feeling in his cheeks. He realized he was blushing, and by the feel of it, probably blushing more furiously than he had ever blushed in his life.

"You wouldn't." he all but sobbed.

There was a damning silence around him, and in the still, empty seconds in which he tried to gather himself together, he sensed a new aura about the other man.

It felt like….it felt like _pity._

"Do you really believe that…?" Yes, that was definitely pity in his voice. "Well, I wouldn't…not like this." he redeemed himself. "It's too ungentlemanly." Haseo closed his eyes, feeling rather than seeing the gunman's hand stretch forward and touch the side of his face. A caress, his mind called it. But that word was too scary, too intimate for him to accept.

"When I have you, you won't be unwilling in the least." It seemed he was more fantasizing than speaking, Haseo thought grimly. "No…I won't have you any other way." _Have_ him? God, he was too serious, way too serious for comfort. "I think you'll find you'll like being my bride." he added in a final manner. "Perfectly."

Haseo took a deep breath, his mind sluggish with the shock of all that had happened over the last few minutes. _No._ He told himself. _I'm a __**man**__. I'm not going to be anybody's __**bride.**__ I'm…._

"Don't you touch me." he said in a tone that was shakier than he had intended. Ovan smiled silkily. "I'd never dream of forcing myself on you, Haseo." he assured.

"That's damn _right_ you won't." He said, more to himself than to Ovan. But it seemed the gunman wasn't through yet. "Really, Haseo, does the prospect frighten you that much?"

"Yes, damn it!" He shook his hands in an angry gesture. "You're a man! I'm a man!"

"But who would be better? Who has cared for you more? Shino loved you, but not the way I do…"

"Don't say her name." he moaned. That topic was taboo, and both of them knew it.

"Perhaps Atoli? Who are you fooling? I've never seen a smile so fake as the one you try to hold up when she pesters you about righteousness." Now he had struck a cord. Haseo winced. Ovan took the opening graciously. "Or the emperor woman, Alkaid? I know you cared for her, but that wasn't your idea of love."

"Don't talk about her!" Haseo said desperately. It was like a dance, those words, teasing him where he was most vulnerable, and distantly he wondered how Ovan _knew_ what he thought, how he _knew_ what he doubted. Was he watching all this time? Or was it Haseo himself that was flawed, allowing himself to be read so easily?

"Let's see, who else? There's Pai, but you know very well that she has other men on her mind. Or maybe it's the men you like after all, Haseo? I wonder if you've ever glanced their way, perhaps consented to all of Silabus' silly errands because you enjoyed the attention? And it seems you've never actually scolded Endrance for his open admiration of you either…."

"I never….I'd never.." he chanted breathily. "Not…them!"

"Yes, that's right." Ovan said triumphantly. "'Not them.' Of all the time I've known you, I can tell that you've kept your distance from love. And love has kept it's distance from you, as well. But I always looked out for you, Haseo. I always made sure you were on the right path. And why, do you think, that was…?"

Haseo said nothing.

"Because you were impatient. Because you were foolish. Because you trusted no one, and you ran from your morals, and you were always that thoughtless, distant thing that I could never allow myself to be. Because I _wanted_ you, I wanted you to grow, to be stronger, to be _mine…_."

"Stop it." Haseo whispered, breaking the older man's speech for a moment. His head was spinning, his heart beating much too fast. "Please…I don't want to hear anymore…"

"Yes, you do." Ovan took his face in his hands. "I can see it in your eyes. You want to be involved. You want to be loved. You enjoyed knowing that I would take the time to send you a letter. You enjoyed knowing that I sent you a high-level area word because I wanted to see you panting." A short laugh. "Yes, you want to hear more, you're fooling no one by saying you aren't. You want to hear more, because you want to be wanted….!"

"No…" he stepped away, half expecting Ovan to close the distance between them again, and only half-relieved when he did not. "Stay…away from me!"

"As you wish." The gunman folded his arms gracefully behind his back. "I told you I wouldn't force myself upon you, Haseo, and I mean what I said."

"Well, good!" Haseo snapped, pushing past him and heading toward the warp point only a few feet away. He paused, back still turned, ready to leave. "I always knew you were shady, Ovan, but never this." He silently thanked God he was facing away, knowing his face was glowing red. "Don't contact me again."

He hit warp. When he reached town, he found himself faltering to stand straight, his mind buzzing. And though it gave him goosebumps to think of it, he could have sworn he heard Ovan laughing as he had gated out.

Well, go ahead – laugh. Let the bastard laugh.

He looked around the town, feeling suddenly to big and to quiet. Lowering his eyes, he muttered to himself; "It was a joke. He was joking, Haseo. Forget about it."

He logged out.


	2. Selfish

A/N: Half-heartedly written chapter two. I've been going through some really rocky days recently and I've had nothing better to do than play G.U. and draw. I picked this up a few times a wrote some things and then finally sat down and did the second half because I wanted to see it completed. G.U. gives me so many ideas!

I re-read chapter one quickly and groaned aloud at some of the grammar mistakes, so I might run back and re-upload a fixed version because little errors sometimes bother the hell out of me.

If you're wanting a sweet Ovan, you'll have to wait till later, kay? I'm trying to keep the volume one and two characterizations in first priority as far as the fic itself goes.

Anyway, some warnings as before. Till next time.

SELFISH

He gawked at his inbox for a good ten minutes, wondering if his eyes could somehow be deceiving him. After briefly scanning all other possibilities he concluded that no, there could not be any logical reason for the one unread message in his mail other than the fact that Ovan himself had sent it.

He considered deleting it. It would be so easy – just one click. That would show that smug bastard to think he could play with him. Just one click, and he would never have to worry about it again.

….hell, who was he kidding?

Although he could already feel the anger rekindled inside him, he opened the letter uneasily. The colored avatar with the bastard's face (but never showing his eyes – he hated that he could never see his eyes…) popped up on screen, and beneath it, the typed passage.

Haseo took a deep breath and began to read.

_I suppose you shall hate me for this, but I think I'm doing what is best in ignoring your request not to contact you. I believe you'll only stay up late worrying, rather than getting some closure on the topic._

_Atoli and the others can see through you rather easily. I would advise against pulling your 'everything's cool' façade in front of them, as it will only make matters worse._

_I have a gift for you. Come to Halle Granz Cathedral._

_Normally I would advise you come alone, but I think you know better than to bring an audience with you after your embarrassment yesterday. _

_I look forward to seeing you._

"_What?_" He hissed aloud. He re-read the message, only half-aware of his hands balling into fists. "_What?!_"

Cursing loudly, he turned back to his desktop to log in. He sure as hell wasn't running back to him, but there was no way he could call it a night either. Not with that prospect running through his mind.

He logged in, wondering if it was something he would regret.

The transformation took place in a second. With one click he was 'Haseo' again, his player's face back on, eyes switched back to their deep crimson red. The bright, neon arcs of light that surrounded him as he warped in faded swiftly, and in seconds he felt a soft body press up against his and a high, delighted voice sounding in his ear.

"Haseo!"

The girl stepped away, capturing one of his hands in both of hers as she did so. "Haseo, I can't believe it, I was just beginning to think you'd never log in! We were just about to go on a quest!"

He blinked, staring down at the cheerful Harvest Cleric before him. For a moment his busy mind questioned who she was, and then he remembered – he was no longer the Terror of Death, or the strange new Twilight Brigade member. Being with Ovan sometimes seemed to suck him into the past.

"…Atoli." he said, forcing a small smile and telling himself to regain his composure. "Hey…wait, a quest? You were waiting?"

"Mm-hmm!" she nodded happily, squeezing his hand a little, not noticing the tiny flinch it extracted. "Silabus and I found a cute new quest and we thought we'd take you along!"

"Huh." was all he could think to say. Everything about her seemed out of place, suddenly. Probably, he told himself, because of his current mindset after all that had happened...but she was just so…bright, with her shock of yellow hair and pink lips. The green to faded blue of her pixy-like outfit stood out clearly against the darker gold's of Mac Anu's backdrop. She was very small, he realized suddenly. Ovan was so tall that he always had to lean his head back to see his face clearly, but Atoli was just his size.

A quest, he thought. It would certainly be a distraction. He began to walk, and she followed beside him, peppy as ever. "Well? Are you busy? Is it okay?"

He really was very tall. Haseo couldn't imagine it any other way. He wondered if perhaps his face would appear different if he had a chance to see it under better lighting. Maybe if he was shorter, it would be easier to see his eyes, instead of just the glare from his glasses –

"Haseo?"

Atoli stopped walking suddenly, and both gloved hands moving to her chest in worry. "Um, Haseo?" she began, her high voice dipping suddenly. "Is something bothering you?"

They had gone through this sort of routine countless times. This time he ignored her, continuing to walk. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her look down at the ground, perplexed, then jog back into step with him.

"B-because…" she began again, "You don't seem very happy today…"

Of course he wasn't happy. He had just been _proposed _to.

His walk slowed a little, remembering. He was seventeen years old, and he had been proposed to by a complete stranger? Because technically they _were_ strangers, right? Strange enough not to ever think that he would…ask something like –

He realized in the middle of his thoughts that both of them had come to a stop. He was standing in front of the guild shop in Mac Anu, which seemed oddly small and sad looking without Gaspard behind it. Wishing he was somewhere else, preferably somewhere alone, he pressed his palm against his forehead, wondering if there was some easy way out of this.

Silence hung between the two like a fog. "I'm sorry." Atoli whispered, and he resisted the urge to kick the neglected Shop Acorn in frustration when he heard the tones of pity in her voice. "I brought up a bad subject didn't I? Pretend I never mentioned it." she smiled uncertainly. "So, are we on for the quest? Silabus said– "

"I have somewhere I have to be." he muttered flatly. He really didn't want to see her at the moment, he didn't want to look at her face and wonder what the girl behind it was thinking of him right now. Ovan's words kept echoing in his head; _not them, _he said.

Not them….

"Oh? ….okay. Um, I hope you don't mind us leaving without you, then? You were going to be our third party member." she looked up at him, concerned.

It was…exhausting, he thought. Always having to answer, always having to be the one in control of every little thing. The guild, the party, the battles, the sorrow…he wished for a moment that he could live like Atoli, leaning off others and letting them be in charge instead. He thought of the word 'bride', how he hated it so much, because it seemed so horrifically submissive. But it would be so much easier, he thought with a little laugh, to let someone else deal with your problems, the way Atoli and the others seemed to have grown accustomed to doing.

_I could almost envy them._

"It's fine. Have fun." he wondered if his voice sounded bitter.

"Y-yes! Of course. I'll see you when you get back?"

"Yeah…."

"Okay then! That settles it!" she said brightly, but it was obvious just by her tone that she was more than just a little upset about it. Atoli really was bad at putting on a happy façade sometimes, he mused.

But there was no where else to go now - except where Ovan wanted him to be.

"I'll see you, Haseo." Atoli said with one last caring smile, and then she turned and headed off in the direction of Canard's HOME, her gold-lined heels clicking lightly on the fake marble floors.

He wished he could follow her. But at the same time, he wished he could run the opposite way. Maybe now, he could log out, just for the day, or maybe for tomorrow too. Maybe he could take a small vacation and rest his mind, that way Ovan would get the message, and when he came back he'd have plenty to do to get his mind off it. He'd only have to hope that there were no AIDA sightings or calls from Yata in the meantime.

He laughed at the thought. It was impossible, of course. He was stuck here.

"Ovan…" he whispered, looking up at the always-blue sky. "…..damn you."

He headed back toward the chaos gate, his footsteps feeling too heavy and his heart feeling too anxious.

_What's the worse he can do?_

No. Rephrase that. If what he said was true – if he meant what he said yesterday, then…

_What's the worst he can do, if he really is in love with you?_

"In love." he repeated as he reached the chaos gate again. The ghostly azure orbs in the center spiraled about as if they were alive, chasing each other in some endless game of tag. "Ovan. In love." It just didn't seem to fit.

_But everyone falls in love someone, right? Even the best of them fall in love sometime._

The imagine of Shino, smiling her sad and lonely smile, flickered into his mind briefly, and his heart clenched. Her gray hair, soft features…the mystery about her, the fact that he could see how badly she wanted to be normal, to be alive. The feeling he used to get around her, like nothing mattered except making her happy, making her smile for real. Her body in his arms, fading.

_Love isn't worth it._

It wasn't worth the pain of being the one to hold up the complicated, heavy world that existed inside of just one single person. It wasn't worth falling apart when they fell apart. It wasn't worth being leaned on.

_I'm not in love, Ovan. I'm not in love with anybody anymore._

_And I'm definitely not in love with _**you.**

He could see his outline, faintly glowing silver in the church light, the flat blue hair in hues of navy and tinted gold, how crisp his clothes seemed, how rough the shadow of his unclenched hands appeared. Haseo didn't say anything when he entered the cathedral, he assumed just the sound of his footsteps would be enough to alert the other man.

Ovan glanced over his shoulder as he came closer. He could almost see the look in his eyes behind those concealing glasses. There was a small smirk – or was it a smile? The word 'smirk' seemed to fit him better, he thought.

"You're here." the gunman acknowledged. "I'm glad." The soft, ghostly music turned the silence into something different – a breathing pause, more graceful than just standing there, feeling odd and out of place and horribly alone in spite of the fact that they were only an arm's length apart.

_He was waiting here. I wonder how long he would have waited before he realized I wouldn't show up?_

"You knew I would come, didn't you?" the words spilled from his mouth before he had time to think them over.

"There are always possibilities around you, Haseo." Ovan answered gently. "But you never disappoint." That smirk seemed to become more of a smile this time. Haseo frowned and looked away.

"….so why are you here, anyway? What's your stupid reason this time?"

"I have a gift for you. I told you that, didn't I?"

He raised an eyebrow, waiting. Ovan turned around fully this time, the sound of his armor clinking a little, his footsteps heavy and weighted. He reached out his hand. Haseo reached forward, frowning, and touched the center of his palm, where the item seemed to be.

There was a familiar bell-like sound before the notice came up on screen. Haseo stared at it, feeling his heart jump a little, but at the same time unsurprised.

"Your member address." he said flatly.

"Tri-Edge's Data Drain must have wiped everything from your account, isn't that right?" Ovan said silkily. "I'd give you Shino's as well, but I think it would be best to get her permission first."

He cringed a little at her name. "I'm not calling you." he said shortly.

"Then I shall call you instead." Ovan said with a faint smile. "The gentleman always makes the first move, isn't that how it goes?"

Haseo felt his face redden. "You don't need to level up." he pointed out.

"But you do." His tone sent a pang of guilt through his brain, remembering the day before and how he had almost been wiped out by a single monster just because he was impatient to get to the beast statue. "I won't be free always, of course, but I can spare time to help, if it's for you, Haseo."

"I won't." he repeated, a razor edge to his tone.

Ovan looked down at him, an odd expression on his face. It was surreal, Haseo thought, with the cathedral light shining around him and making him look like a different person. He hardly noticed when he moved closer, other than the shifting of the rays of golden light, powerful yet gentle, replacing the empty space where Aura once stood.

"Leaving me empty-handed? How cruel." The face he had fixed his eyes on ducked a little, leaning down to be on the same level as Haseo. "Let me kiss you." he whispered.

"No." Haseo muttered icily.

"Oh?" One of his hands found Haseo's smaller one and laced their fingers together with surprising care. "If you pretend I'm whoever it is you admire so much these days, would you let me then?"

"…stop it." _This is turning into a repeat of the other day._

"It must be exhausting, looking after them." _Why did I even come here? _"Having all the others expecting you to protect them." _I should have known he'd only say the same things. _"And now you're always the shoulder to lean on, aren't you? There's no pause in the action that lets you lean on anybody else." _So, why did I come here?_

He could feel his breath on his face. Ovan was too good at this, his hands were too warm, the light around them was too soft and illuminating, and his mind was straying back to the other day, how enraged he was, how unfair all of this was.

"I love you."

"You're a good lair, I'll give you that much." Haseo said bitterly.

"Let me kiss you." he repeated. Haseo untangled their hands and stepped away, resisting the urge to look past those damn glasses and try to catch the expression on his face. "I have things to tell you." Ovan said. "About AIDA. About the World."

"You're going to blackmail me?"

"Would I do such a thing?"

This time he did look up at him. It was a mask, he told himself, that face, those glasses, the light and the soft cathedral music and the silly words that were meant to ensnare him. All of it was a damn mask.

But he had promises to keep. A promise to Shino, and smaller but just as important promises to Atoli, and Silabus, and all the others he had stumbled across the second time around.

"Take me to an area." Haseo said at last, watching Ovan's unflinching expression carefully. "Tell me what you know."

He placed his hands on his hips, trying to make himself gather back some of the control he always seemed to be losing in their conversations. "I'm no good at being somebody's whore." he spat. "You either tell me or you don't, there's no 'give me a kiss first's in between, you got that?"

"I wouldn't dream of it." He laughed softly, reaching forward to touch his face. Haseo blinked as the gunner took a lock of silver hair between his fingers fondly. "My bride is so feisty…"

"I'm not your fucking bride." Haseo said sharply, slapping his hand away.

"Of course not, we're not married yet." Ovan said as if such a thing were obvious.

"I'm not marrying you!" he shouted, watching the older man raise his eyebrows in a manner that was far too smug for his comfort. "And stop looking at me like that!"

"You're blushing." he pointed out with some satisfaction.

"You…" He touched his face, his fingers feeling cool against his hot skin and realized with a new spur of fury that he was, indeed, blushing again. "…you horny bastard." he stumbled.

"Hm." he seemed to consider it. "Such words, Haseo…if you said such a thing to the others, you might just break their hearts."

"I wouldn't have to say anything," Haseo snapped back, "Because they'd never – "

"…oh?" He smiled. "Of course. They'd never."

A silence fell over them, and he realized at once that this was like a battle – the stakes were the same, the rules were the same. You fight, you keep your pride, you try and bring yourself back up when you get knocked down. Playing this silly love game with Ovan was like a battle, and suddenly he felt like he was the one who was on his knees in defeat.

The cathedral music filled the air, making his thoughts seem strange and dead, everything and nothing. He didn't watch the man's face anymore – his eyes fell to his feet, distantly wondering if this was a battle that would end, or if it would just keep going, the way that AIDA seemed to. Not deadly, of course, but draining, confusing, making him feel weak.

_You want me to be stronger, but you're making me feel weaker…?_

"Why me?" he whispered, thinking of Shino and Atoli and the distant face of the 'Key of the Twilight.'

"I don't think anything I could say would answer that question the way you'd like to it be answered, Haseo." Ovan's voice fell over him like a spell. "Besides, I could ask the same of you. Why did you come here today when you were so intent on staying away from me before?"

_That's a good question. _He thought bitterly. "I can't avoid you." he sighed. "And you said you wouldn't…." he wanted to repeat the words 'force yourself,' but they seemed too harsh to imagine. "…try anything." he finished.

"I see." the silence returned, but only for a moment. "You're curious." he said at last.

"You're always hiding something."

"Maybe so." There was a slight hint of amusement in his voice.

"So why me?" he repeated. "Everyone respects you."

"Everyone respects you, too. You've grown a lot since that day, Haseo. Everyone wants a claim to you now." he stooped down again, looking up into his face with a tiny smile that said that there was more to this than he was picking up on. "…maybe I'm just selfish?"

_Selfish? _He thought of Atoli taking his hand, and Endrance confessing unblinkingly to his face, and Alkaid giving him her impatient stare. His heart jumped into his throat. _Selfish…?_

"Now then, shall we go?"

The party invite screen popped up in front of him, snapping him out of his thoughts. Haseo quickly pressed accept, before he could talk himself out of it. He looked from Ovan to the tiny panel with their party stats on it at the bottom of his field of vision, and suddenly he felt like he was back in the past again, and Shino would walk in and ask how they were doing any second now.

Ovan held out his hand with mock politeness, like a stranger at a dance. Haseo scoffed, looking away, feeling his face turning pink once more and mentally screaming curses at himself to get a hold of himself.

Such an odd sight, the cathedral, the light, the one outstretched hand. His fingers were rough and the material around them dark and smooth. It wouldn't be like holding hands if he took it, because there were gloves on his hands as well and it wasn't as if their skin would be touching….

_Maybe I'm just selfish?_ the voice repeated in his head.

"…come on already." he said, trying his best to sound coarse and unintimidated, and he turned on his heel without another glance at the tall steam gunner, heading out the chapel's front doors with the haunting melody of the Lost Ground echoing in his ears.


	3. Uncertain

A/N: Chapter: Unsure

Recently I've been working a lot on my original stories, but I'm determined to keep this one alive! For those who have DA, it's also up there under the username CheekyXth with some lame pictures and all (as well as some of the original things xD ) I thank everyone who reviewed, I read every one of them carefully and was very flattered…you're all very sweet. .hack seems to have a very small fanfiction fandom, so it tends to mean a lot more getting reviews on .hack fanfiction. xD

Well, I hope this is entertaining the Ovaseo fans all the same.

This chapter has vague hints of volume three in it. If you've played it through you'll be able to pick up better on what Ovan's lines. No completely blunt spoilers, but hinted things about Ovan's back story and future plans.

Enjoy.

SELFISH

The field he chose was wide and rainy, with no background music to lighten up the atmosphere other than the steady downpour of fake droplets smacking the ground. He had only been in a party with Ovan once in the past, back when the Twilight Brigade was still moving, and that had been with Shino beside them. At the time, he hadn't really been looking at them – just the monsters, the possible threat of PKers. Now, alone in the quiet rain, it was obvious how strange they looked together, especially in terms of height.

Ovan's blue hair didn't stick out as much as he thought it would in the game field. The rain seemed to keep everything in the right hue so as he didn't look so out of place as he normally did. His silver armored arm glittered slightly against the downpour, though he didn't seem to be nearly as wet as he should have been under all that water.

Haseo glanced down at himself and wished suddenly that he had made his avatar about ten inches taller.

He stood there for a while, not looking up into his face, watching the monsters though the fog, circling in the distance. "Well?" he said at last, the promise of information still on his mind.

"Are you not going to fight?" there was a touch of amusement in his voice.

"Why? You'd just wipe them out in an instant, wouldn't you?" Haseo commented bitterly.

"It will be pointless for me to fight. You're the one who has vowed to become stronger."

"You _wanted_ me to, I never vowed." he spat in return, and when Ovan didn't answer, he sighed; "_fine, _then. Watch my back." And headed toward the nearest monster.

It occurred to him, running, that Ovan probably didn't have much for speed on his side, but before he could look or think up a snide comment he had already collided stupidly with the first monster; a regular machine type with steam bubbling out of it's faceless body. He quickly changed to his broadsword, switching his stance (heavy! his mind cried, as it always did whenever he had to wield that large weapon in comparison to the other, significantly lighter ones) and thrust the Centipede into the monster's belly.

It's health dropped barely an inch. Frustrated, Haseo began to grope for his learned skills and threw them at the monsters one right after the other, ignoring his draining SP. It was a simple fight, nothing that would last long, but it pissed him off, to know Ovan was just sitting there watching him and judging.

"Shell Breaker!" he screamed, far more viciously than he had when partied with Atoli or Silabus, and the last of the machines fell to the ground and faded away systematically.

Haseo stared at the place where they had stood, breathing heavily, irked by the feel of eyes on his back. He ignored the tiny pinging noises that indicated he had won some unimportant amount of gold and probably another piece of useless armor, and hoisted the weapon over his shoulder and into light and nothingness.

He checked his health and saw with another pang of frustration that it was almost halfway down already. But before he could fish out a potion there was a somewhat smugly whispered 'repth' from behind him, and the tiny bar of green jumped back up to full health. His slight panting fell back into regular, even breathes.

"…thanks." he said with a contradicting glare.

"What sort of lover would I be, if I let you get taken down?"

"Lover is past tense." Haseo said, grinding his teeth. "for someone who's already _involved._"

"Oh? You're right, it is." An unreadable smile. "My mistake." he articulated softly.

Haseo felt his hands ball into fists. _Don't get angry…_he told himself. _Don't get angry…._

Ovan smiled in a manner that he knew immediately meant there was more on his mind than just monsters and probably something more serious than a goddamn wedding for once, and suddenly he wished he hadn't taken Ovan's request and come out here after all. It was a little disturbing, to wonder just what the information he had promised might be…

..but no, he had to have it. Any piece of information was worth doing anything for, and this was easy compared to what they had gone through to get a few clues in the past.

"Come on." he muttered, hoping the amount of experience gained had pleased him enough – him, with his hunger for strength all the time. If he wanted strength, why didn't he just level up himself? It was all so…

…._irritating…_

"Here's a nice place." Ovan said pleasantly, and Haseo jumped a little, half-expecting his voice to have matched his mysterious eyes this time. There was a rough rock slope connected to a very small hill that didn't seem to have a path upward connected to it. He stopped by the edge and waited for Haseo to join him.

He trudged over uncertainly. "So?" he said once they were closer. "Talk."

Ovan watched him for a while, and Haseo placed his hands on his hips and did his best to look intimidating under that stare that had made his knees buckle uncomfortably or forced his face away so many times before. He was older now, and _stronger, _like Ovan said, and he wasn't some little kid, and he wasn't going to leave without hearing what he wanted to hear – something worth while about The World's salvation.

But Ovan was only staring at him - just staring….

"Talk!" Haseo repeated, wanting to stomp his foot down but knowing it would come off as childish if he did.

"How unkind." he sighed, shaking his head softly. His short blue hair waved slightly…and then his face became deadly serious.

"AIDA is something that spreads like a virus and is very hard to pin down. It can take control of people, as you may have already seen…it can also take control of hearts, of consciousness…of will."

He looked down at the ground for a long time, his eyes hidden beneath the glare of his glasses.

"I am not ignorant as to what is going on. But I have my own personal plans for AIDA. They're not perfect, I'm afraid, and there will be…certain people that may be damaged in the process, but it seems to me now that it is the only way."

"People?" Haseo jumped at the word and the way that Ovan said it, but Ovan held up a hand to silence him. "No one who is precious to you." he confirmed, looking grim, and Haseo relaxed – just slightly. He was about to ask who, but Ovan had already continued;

"My personal fight with AIDA is something I'm willing to put my life on the line for. I am different from your guild, Raven, and your Epitaph users who follow orders and obey...but I am on your side, Haseo."

He looked up again. His eyes seemed to have changed…and yet, they were the same, that navy color that was probably distorted by those damn glasses.

He narrowed his eyes. "What did you want to tell me? Just about yourself?"

"Time is running out." Ovan noted calmly. "There are people who are very important to us…who need our help."

Shino's face flashed into his mind, in a backdrop against all the other colorful faces he had met in his second time playing, and he cringed slightly, knowing how very true those words were.

"In the long run…" Ovan said, "It seems that the people who are fighting – we the players, ourselves…we forget who we are. We are forgetting that we are human beings with families and hearts."

"You sound like you've gotten softer." Haseo said, untrusting.

Ovan ignored the comment without so much as a smile. "You will not stop fighting, is that right?"

"Never." he swore. "To get Shino back…"

"And I will not ignore it as well. But because of the level of danger involved…there are things I want to get aside first. Sort of like a last will and testament, if you'd like."

Haseo blinked. Last will? He was talking as if he was….

"I have already written out to Shino everything I'd like her to know." he said. "But you are still here. That is why….it is so important that I tell you these things now."

Haseo looked down at the ground, at his fake boots against the fake grass and suddenly a flare of rebellion sparked into him. He never knew what this man was talking about…there was so much he wanted to just wring out of the bastard, there was so much he wanted to _understand_, but he couldn't, and it wasn't going to be easy, just this by itself – getting some information about AIDA, about the plans in store for it. And then….

"Don't make me repeat myself."

Ovan gave him a questioning look.

"You're a good liar." Haseo said, smiling a little in spite of himself. "And you still speak in riddles. Spit it the hell _out_, okay?"

"I might not have much more time to talk with you like this. Otherwise I would have no other reason…"

"It's not like you're going to die." Haseo pointed out sharply, and his stomach twisted strangely as he said it.

Ovan was quiet. For a moment he thought he saw a brief flicker of something behind those concealing glasses. "No, of course not." he said at last, and Haseo wondered if it was just his imagination. "But there are risks. I wanted you to understand all of that before this was all over. While I still had a chance to tell you." he finished with surprising honestly in his tone.

"…..you're not…" _Last will? Time is running out? _"…you're not being yourself…"

He didn't look into his eyes this time – he didn't want to see what sort of expression might be there. "If you would act like a normal human being…maybe..!"

_Maybe…?_

"Ovan!" he cried at last, making a desperate gesture with both hands. "What is this all about? All of this! What are you trying to – "

"Haseo…."

Fury pounded through his veins – he had had enough, after months of this, after months of cryptic messages and sideways smiles…he thought he knew him, but every time he thought he had it down something changed and he was back to square one, feeling annoyed and betrayed and utterly exhausted.

He wanted, he realized with sudden, fierce clarity, somebody to lean against. He wanted somebody to take it all out on. He wanted…

And then there were two warm hands enveloping his, and was resisting the instinctual urge to pull away.

"Marry me." Ovan breathed again. Haseo laughed coldly – how many times had he asked now? _I should start keeping count_, he thought.

"It would all be a fake." he said at last. "The wedding. So why are you…"

"It would be real to us." he pointed out calmly.

"It's all crap, it's just role play!"

"It's not if you're being honest."

_Honest? _"As if you've ever been honest." he spat. "How many times have you been honest in your entire goddamn _life?_"

"I'm being honest now…" He leaned down to kiss the back of his hand. It was so feather light, Haseo barely felt it, but he did see the way his eyes closed behind his glasses and his blue hair swayed slightly as he bowed his head. "Are you honest, Haseo? With yourself? With me?"

"You're not…" The scene mesmerized him, the fact that he had never expected something like this, that it all was being presented before him like moving film. "…fooling anyone…." he stammered out finally…

Ovan stood up slowly, still holding his hands, and Haseo felt an odd chill run down his spine. And then; without warning, the thoughts began to spin through his head, disconnected and surreal:

_I hate….them_

_I hate them for having someone to lean on._

_I hate them for leaning on me._

_I hate them for never….._

_(For never….?)_

He took a step forward, swayed a little, and then leaned his forehead on Ovan's left shoulder. The light fabric there was cool against his skin. It was alien, the feeling, as if he was going to fall backward or fall straight through, and he realized at once that he had never done this to anyone before.

Shino flashed into his mind again, but this time he was remembering them at the waterfalls, of her standing so close to him, and then falling forward a little, her head against his chest. A tiny spark of something

( _something? )_

hit him, and he was angry again, so angry he could fist his fingers into the fabric of Ovan's sleeves and scream until his throat was raw.

_It's not fair….!_

"Who do you lean on, Ovan?" he muttered dully, his face hot with so many different emotions that he wasn't quite sure which one to dwell on first. "When you're thinking about all this crap?"

"Nobody." he muttered, and Haseo felt the older man's hand cover the back of his head comfortingly. "Nobody, yet."

"I hate you…" he whispered, feeling that all-too-familiar blush returning.

"Really, now…."

He nodded, then shivered a little. _But I hate myself. _he thought briefly, _for even leaning on you in the first place. _"Does this…make this consensual?"

"Does it?"

"Because then I get to break it off, right? If I say I'm breaking it off, you have to.." he trailed off, the odd feeling in his stomach growing and fading in random, throwing off his words. "It's can be temporary, right?" he said.

"Temporary?" Ovan repeated patiently.

"Just this once. To lean on you."

He looked up, tilting his head back to see Ovan's face, and Ovan smiled somewhat wolfishly. "You're a _selfish_ little thing." he said.

"…heh." Haseo muttered, and then Ovan bent down to bring their eyes to the same level.

It wasn't really a kiss, just a breathy sort of thing, like a ritual, hovering. Haseo stood perfectly still, feeling his heart beating loudly, thinking with determination; _this is just a game, it's just a game. Stop worrying, it's just his stupid game, it doesn't mean…_

_( that he's a free shoulder… )_

Their lips met. He hardly noticed it, so deep in his swirling thoughts, but once Ovan's hands found his waist he realized what was happening and couldn't help but be a little surprised in spite of the fact that he was the one who had leaned in first. It was strange, not sweet, not harsh, just strange, and -

The hands on his waist tightened suddenly, and without warning Ovan was leaning against him, his fingers tightening in the material of his outfit. His fingers found his scarf and tugged at it viciously, mind racing, _what the hell?_

"-mmph!"

It was bizarre, somehow incredible, this thing, and it didn't feel like kissing anymore, it felt like being devoured, but there was a vicious sort of pleasure in being kissed and not being the kisser, and he didn't push away because there was nothing else to do but _not_ push away, to try and bring his fingers past that stupid scarf and find his shoulders and hold on.

And then Ovan pulled away, licking his lips stealthily. "That's enough for today, don't you think?" he whispered gently.

Haseo looked up at him, stunned into silence.

"Bastard." he managed at last, and then he trailed off, unsure of what else to say.

"Hmm." was Ovan's response. "Your friends will be worried about you." He held out his hand, and Haseo jumped for a moment, half-expecting him to try something. Then, staring at his outstretched fingers (those odd wrapped gloves, dark blue, not soft at all…) and found himself taking it grudgingly.

"…tch."

Ovan pulled him to his feet gently. And just as their faces passed, he whispered into his ear; "It's weak, actually, but human…conflicting mirrors of hope and despair."

"….what?" Haseo said, looking at him in surprise.

"That's," Ovan said, his eyes dark and grim, "what 'AIDA' is."


	4. Blurry

A/N: Blurry

lets see…no real spoilers in this chapter. I've been getting several questions about how far the storyline will go, so I'll make a note here that I do plan to have this reach into volume two and three. There will be lots of alternate situations though, and skipping around – tons of it will be untrue to the game situations, but that's why it's fiction, ne?

Well, the plot is carrying on, and I'm afraid there's less of Ovan in this section, but that's just the way things had to go in order to progress. Here's chapter four. Enjoy.

- - - - - - - - - - -

SELFISH

- - - - - - - - - - -

It occurred to him, warping back into Mac Anu alone, that he had actually kissed Ovan.

Not that what had happened that first day at the beast statue wasn't a kiss, but this one had an entirely different feel to it. This time, he couldn't brush it off as another creepy admirer thing because he had pressed his forehead (stupidly, he thought) against Ovan's shoulder and leaned in (just a little, really, it really wasn't as if he started it, was it?) when their lips met, and the question was still burning on his mind, never fading no matter how hard he tried to shove it away;

"_Does that make this…consensual?"_

It didn't help that asking himself again and again and again 'what the hell did I get myself into?' was extracting no plausible answers other than an possible early death or a lifetime of embarrassment if any of his friends ever found out.

Not that they would…right? But the way Ovan talked about the…wedding he seemed so determined to get…it didn't sound as if the older man planned on showing some shame about the whole thing.

_Because weddings involve other people, right?_

He shivered, his face heating up. The welcome image of Shino in a bridesmaid's gown, patting his head comfortingly and giggling a little, popped into his head…and beside that, Atoli, wearing an identical outfit and looking caught between laughter and discomfort.

Haseo groaned loudly, feeling like he had just been condemned to death.

But he hadn't _agreed_ to anything, right? He said it was just temporary, right?

Still, even as things were now, it was further than he had wanted it to go. He thought of Shino again, and Atoli, who always seemed to be connected to her image in his mind's eye now. Shino, he thought, would probably do just as he thought she would – giggle and pat his head and ask some polite questions. She'd probably be surprised, she'd probably blush a little, but she was mature – far more mature than he was, he knew deep down, and she would take the situation kindly. Atoli, however….Atoli was different.

There was an air about her that gave him the uncomfortable impression that if he didn't keep his eye on her whenever he could, someone would snatch her away, break her in half, and then set her back down in pieces without a word. The aura of fragility about her irritated him more than her pacifist nature did, but the worry overcame the irritation, and in the end he was hoping that with Kuhn, Pai, Silabus, and the others on her side now, she would have enough protection that he wouldn't have to worry about her twenty four seven, even if that Sakaki was always glued to her side.

But how would she react? Probably with a fake congratulations and nervous giggle and smile, then she'd probably leave in a run and go cry in a corner until she didn't need someone to pick her up and break her - she'd already be falling apart at the goddamn seams. He sighed loudly, a spell of guilt falling over him.

Well…damn.

Pai would scoff, he thought, but who the hell cared? She was a big girl, she could handle things. Kuhn…God, how embarrassing. He'd probably think the whole thing was cute once he got over the initial shock that it was Ovan they were talking about. The jokes would never end, he thought with a grimace….no, this couldn't go on, not so openly.

Then Yata…he shivered even harder and skipped over the images _that_ brought. Silabus? He'd be bewildered, and surprised, most likely, but Haseo would probably receive one of those 'you have our blessings!' or something (since Gaspard was his damn shadow nowadays, anyway.) Yeah, he'd say something like that, but would he really mean it? It all came down to the fact that they were in an online game, and he never knew just how good of an actor some of these people really were. For all he knew, Silabus was three times his age and putting on a cute face in order to live in the past, or something ridiculous like that.

Then why did Ovan pick him, if this was just an online game? How did he knew that Haseo was really someone like 'Haseo' in real life? Did he just trust his instincts, or did he just not give a damn? Or maybe he had never given it thought at all – maybe that's just how into The World he was.

But Haseo doubted that.

Sighing, he began to make his way down Mac Anu's central isle, resisting the urge to touch his lips every so often. So, he thought, they kissed. Big deal, right? He had kissed girls before….

….right, _girls, _he had kissed _girls_. Only one or two – but he could still remember what it was like. Girls had soft lips, and soft hands, and soft shoulders. Ovan was tall and broad and sharp, and his kiss was far more demanding and cocky than any tentative high school one-day date who would balance on her tip toes and give him a half-second peck on the lips. He had never been kissed so that he would have to brace his body and cling the hell on to the damn guy like two actors in a movie. He had never played those word games and glares or let anyone touch his face so lovingly before. Whenever anyone touched his face, it was a tease, right before they shoved their sword through his stomach and twisted it.

He shivered again.

Damn them all, the PKs and the girls and the guild members. And most of all, Ovan, for starting this whole thing. He didn't need any of them.

He didn't…

"Haseo!"

He looked up. Kuhn was heading toward him, looking relieved and excited, his bright mass of hair bouncing, sharp blue hues mixing with the yellows of his attire. "Haseo!" he said again. "There you are! You owe me a quest, man!"

Haseo blinked. "Huh?"

"A quest!" Kuhn repeated patiently. "Don't tell me you forgot!" He slowed his run to walk and finally stopped before him, placing one hand on his hip as he talked. His shock of blue hair tumbled over his shoulders as he stilled. "The mineral quest with myself and Atoli, remember? If I didn't know better I'd say you were avoiding us. We still haven't headed out and finished it yet."

A quest….Haseo frowned. He had accepted a quest with Kuhn at Atoli's bidding, just before Ovan had called him out…of course the others didn't know where he had been off to while he had labeled himself as busy during that time.

A quest wouldn't hurt, he thought. If he stayed away from them too long, they'd start questioning him. And he still had a duty to G.U., as far as responsibility went.

"Yeah. Let's go."

"Yes!" Kuhn cheered, grinning. "That's my man. Call Atoli and we'll be off."

"Gimme a second." he muttered, pulling up his party window, and scrolling down to find her name, he was surprised to see her labeled 'busy.'

He clicked on her name and decided to private message her. Kuhn waited patiently as he typed;

_Atoli, where are you? Kuhn and I are going out on that quest._

There was a pause, and then, after a slight hesitation;

_Haseo..? I'm a little busy right now, could you meet me at the dungeon? I'll only be a few minutes._

He read her message twice through, sighing. Kuhn gave him a questioning look, scratching his chin thoughtfully, but staying silent. Then, a new message popped up;

_I'll be there. I promise._

"..okay, let's go. Atoli's coming in late."

"Is she okay?" was Kuhn's immediate answer.

"She seemed fine." was his only answer, and it was the truth. It was normal for Atoli to act a little flustered. In fact, he could count on his fingers the number of times she acted perfectly in control of a situation.

"Let's go."

- - - - -

The dungeon was a typical forest-based one, and Haseo was surprised to find that the two of them alone made it through the forest level of the dungeon without any healing whatsoever. Kuhn was his usual upbeat self, though the look in his eyes clearly said that he was aware of the change in the atmosphere. Guilt was beginning to eat at Haseo's insides like a parasite.

_Conflicting mirrors of hope and despair._

_That's…what 'AIDA' is._

It was his clue - his _only _clue - other than the mass of complicated riddles Ovan had been forcing upon him. Conflicting mirrors of hope and despair. Was that all it meant, that elusive thing? Or was it some sort of trigger to the real meaning behind AIDA, a meaning that he could use for his own benefit?

For G.U.'s benefit?

If that was the case….

"Kuhn." he said at last, his heart feeling heavy in his chest as he did so. The older man stopped his walking, several paces ahead, and Haseo caught a good glimpse of his profile in the moment before he turned and faced him head on.

By his face alone, he could tell that this interruption had been anticipated. The guilt in his chest expanded.

"I've been talking with Ovan recently."

The man's face contorted slightly, his eyes hardening, becoming more serious. "I see." he said – an invitation; to continue, or to change the topic.

"I've been trying to get some clues from him." he embellished carefully.

"Clues?" Kuhn repeated, lifting his chin slightly.

"'Conflicting mirrors of hope and despair.'" Haseo quoted. "That's what he said AIDA was."

Kuhn looked thoughtful. "Conflicting mirrors?" he said. "….mirrors…" he seemed to withdraw into himself briefly, considering his words.

"…thanks, Haseo." he breathed, looking somewhat relieved. "I'll tell Yata and see if he can make anything of it."

"You do that." Haseo agreed quietly, hoping Kuhn would keep the fact that he had seen Ovan to himself. And then;

"Guys!" 

Atoli was running toward them with as much grace as she could muster while seeming completely out of breath and exhausted. She held one hand to her chest, while the other remained at her side, white-gloved and half-fisted. She looked up into their faces earnestly, then closed her mouth tightly and smiled at them.

"I'm here! Sorry I'm late!" She bowed deeply. "I'm so very sorry!"

"It's fine, Atoli." Kuhn said, with Haseo nodding beside him. "We're just glad to have you."

She bowed again, her face a little flushed now. Haseo noted absently how amazingly easy it was to fluster her. They began to walk, somewhat awkwardly, as the monsters on the level had been cleared out already and Atoli was trying her best to start a decent conversation without actually asking anything too personal.

At last they found some low-level monsters and began to attack. But her cries of 'repth!' did nothing but remind him of Ovan's muttered spell, an echo in the back of his consciousness, and the healing wave that overcame him afterward; so much more powerful than Atoli's…

"Hey."

Both faces turned to look at him. They were approaching the end of the dungeon now, and in the distance he could see the quest's treasure – the mineral vein – sparkling against the stonewash wall.

"What do you think about Ovan?"

He looked to Atoli as he said it, without even thinking why, and to her surprise, her face paled considerably. "Ovan-sama?" she asked. "He…he's very kind, I suppose." she seemed to talk herself into something, as her hands fisted with determination and she nodded. "Yes, he's very kind! And, I'm sure he would make a wonderful ally if we ever had the chance to form a party with him! Don't you think so, Haseo?" she watched his face anxiously.

"….yeah." Haseo watched Kuhn quietly lean forward and touch the item at the wall, holding it curiously in his hands. "Well, that's that." he said. "We can had back now. Nice to have a good quest and catch up once in a while, isn't it?" he smiled. Atoli nodded eagerly. "Yes, yes!"

Haseo bowed his head in what could be taken as a nod. His chest felt strangely tight. "Yeah." he said. "Wonderful."

He turned around and headed toward the chaos gate, his brain seemingly full of white static, when Atoli whispered; "Haseo…?"

He glanced at her curiously.

"….there's something important I would like to speak with you about – if you have the time, I mean." Another bow. Atoli was just full of bows today, he thought. "Would you please meet me at Halle Granz Cathedral tomorrow morning?"

"…um, yeah. Sure." he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. Talk? With Atoli? What could possibly…?

"Great! I'll see you then!" she smiled routinely and headed past him, hitting warp immediately. The great arcs of neon light surrounded her body, and in an instant she was gone, a tiny trace of metallic color the only symbol that she had ever been there at all.

Without thinking, Haseo opened his screen menu and began to shift though aimlessly until he reached the short messaging system.

There was somebody he wanted to see.

- - - - - -

A sense of déjà vu came over him as he entered the cathedral. Ovan was standing exactly where he stood before, seeming to glow beneath the fake light from the glass windows, only this time he was facing the entrance when Haseo walked in, and his eyes were narrowed and stranger than he remembered them behind their twin masks of orange color.

"Ovan." he said, because it was all he could think to say, and Ovan took three strides closer, closing the distance between them easily.

Everything moved very quickly. There were hands on his face, and lips on his lips, and he realized he was being kissed the very way he had promised himself early on in life he would never do – without any introduction or permission. He stood there stunned, the older man's lips warm on his own, his mind seeming to blank out during those scarce moments, focusing on nothing but the sensations. His tongue darted out and licked his lower lip once, and Haseo shivered, that shiver knocking over another domino in his head, causing thought after thought to burst into his temporarily frozen mind.

He pulled away sharply, a tiny gasp escaping him. Ovan studied him quietly, and he decided that regardless of what had happened at that field that this was way too different, way too fast, way too…

Too…

"Haseo." That voice fell over him like a blanket, and he felt the man's fingertips brush his jaw gently.

Haseo reached up to touch the hand on his cheek, and in an instant Ovan had seized his wrist and was pressing him backward, forcing him to take a step back instinctively, swaying a little, wide-eyed with surprise. "What the hell do you think you're_ doing!?_" he cried, his voice dangerously close to a shout.

Ovan gave him a blank look, then pressed him further back until Haseo felt his body begin to lose it's balance. He opened his mouth again, fiery anger sparking inside of him, _I was just thinking good about you, you damn idiot, and now you're going to ruin it?_ But then he forgot to step and, almost in slow motion, felt his foot slide out from under him, sending him down to the floor and pulling Ovan down on top of him until the two of them were toppling down unto the reflective cathedral floor.

It was the least romantic thing he had ever experienced. His back was pressed uncomfortably against the back of one of the benches, his left foot was sliding against the shining cathedral floor, and one of the metallic tips of Ovan's armored arm was digging painfully into his bicep. He squirmed, but Ovan's larger body was pinning him down efficiently, his form solid against Haseo's smaller one, and his one free arm swept around his waist, pulling him closer in spite of the discomfort.

"Wh- " he began hotly, but then he caught sight of Ovan's face and fell silent. The older man's eyes were closed, his lips slightly parted, and he looked somewhat…peaceful, as if this was a moment to be savored.

If this was what Ovan considered romantic…Haseo made an impatient noise in the back of his throat. "Ovan…" he began again, a little hesitant still to wipe that rare look off of the man's face. "What are you doing?"

"Remembering you." the gunner whispered, his voice another ghost in the still, haunting air of Halle Granz.

Haseo closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"You wouldn't forget me." he said.

Things were changing, he knew. But they way he talked….it was as if he expected something horrible…like he knew what was coming.

Somehow, Haseo didn't doubt it.

Maybe that was why, in the silence that followed, a voice inside his head suggested that he do the same; that he let himself stay still and try to memorize the older man in return, if only just this once.

Haseo frowned, studying Ovan's peaceful, concentrated expression quietly.

_Just this once_, he thought.


	5. Dishonest

A/N: Dishonest

Aaand…we've moved past volume one! Aren't you just so happy now? Hahaha.

Major spoilers for volume two. Spoilers on Sakaki, slight spoilers on Ovan and his relationship with Sakaki, spoilers on Atoli, spoilers on the Epitaph's identity. Pretty much, unless you've played volume two or know about the scenes in it, you're going to ruin some things if you keep reading.

The scene itself is partly AU, since Ovan is here now, but it's based on the actual events.

The next chapter is twice the Ovaseo to make up for the lack of it in this one. XD Enjoy.

- - - - - - - - - - -

SELFISH

- - - - - - - - - - -

He had been waiting for twenty minutes. Twenty minutes of steadily growing concern. Twenty minutes that began to morph into second after second of escalating panic. Atoli was never late, and never this late, not without emailing him or private messaging him first, and there were no indications that she had done either.

She wouldn't have forgotten. It just wasn't like her.

He stared at the cathedral entrance absently, listening to his own heartbeat. If he squinted his eyes, he could almost imagine her running toward him, apologizing, and with a damn good reason, he thought bitterly. Her wings would be fanned out behind her and her blonde hair would be bouncing a little, as it always did when she was testing her running limits. The tassel on her hat would be whipping about wildly.

What had she wanted to talk to him about? Haseo began to shuffle his feet impatiently, the worry a solid ball in his chest. Someone had been picking on her? PKing her? Something he did? He couldn't think of anything he had said or done that might make her want to make an appointment about it…other than mentioning Ovan…was this about Ovan? He frowned, feeling his face heat up slightly. Why would she start something about Ovan? He had only asked her one question.

It had flustered her a bit, but everything did. He hadn't thought on it more than that.

The sound of footsteps pulled him out of his thoughts. They were far too heavy and far too slow, paced and even…no, not even, one was slightly lighter than the other.

…oh.

"Ovan…" he said, turning to face the other man as he entered the cathedral. He looked no different than normal, calm, a little surprised a genuine manner that Haseo thought was rare to see on his face. Ovan seemed to know everything, everything that was and everything that would be. Well, knew it well enough to talk about last will and testaments, anyway.

"Haseo…"

"Ovan." he took a breath, wondering if this was something he was going to regret. But there wasn't much else to do, other than wait or assume she was fine and move on with it. But neither seemed appropriate, not when the worry was beginning to eat away at him from the inside out.

Atoli was never late, he reminded himself again.

"I think something's wrong with Atoli."

To his surprise, Ovan merely nodded. A spark of anger ignited inside him, but before he could ask what was so unremarkable about Atoli being possibly missing or hurt, he said; "I may know where she is."

He stopped.

"Take my hand."

The now-familiar fingers that were offered him would have made him hesitant on any other occasion, but today his mind was moving a little faster than usual. He curled in fingers in with the older man's and gave him one single, fleeting don't-you-dare expression.

"Close your eyes." a tiny smirk flickered on his face, but was quickly replaced but utmost seriousness.

"Why?" he asked, closing them anyway. Immediately a strange feeling overtook him – a numbness in his fingertips, and a weightlessness at the base of his feet.

He realized what this was. They were warping – warping somewhere hacked.

"Ov-"

"Sssh." Ovan chided him. "We're not expected, or so I should think."

Haseo opened his eyes.

They were standing in a room of white - whiteness that seemed to stretch out for an eternity. There were no walls or ceilings. He recognized it right away as the hacked ground they had stood upon during his second fight with Tri-Edge, and that alone made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end.

But this field wasn't empty. There was a mockery of a classroom set up before them, high school desks with connected chairs, mundane and in every right normal, but appearing completely out of the ordinary in the landscape of nothingness they were set against. They were in perfect order, except for one single chair, set aside from the rest as if a student had done something bad and was being punished by a teacher.

But there was no teacher. Instead, there was a raised ground, casting a ghost of a shadow on the white nothing beneath it, a piece of Moon Tree's ground sitting at the very top. On the ledge of the floating ground stood Sakaki, and beside him, Atoli.

No….not Atoli.

There was black dots floating around her every so often, and he immediately identified them as AIDA. Haseo was suddenly dizzy with sick fear upon further watching her, her limp body, hovering above the ground so close to the Moon Tree captain, her hands still at her sides, her head tilted far back, staring emptily into the non-existent sky with bright green eyes, unnatural pools of color with no signs of life in them. Her lips were parted, but moved every so often, forming words he could not hear.

"Atoli!" he took a step forward, and then he remembered Sakaki and turned his attention to the bastard instead, knowing it was all his fault, somehow, all of this was his damn fault.

But Sakaki wasn't looking at him.

"You!" he said, and for a moment fear flickered across his face. "What are you doing here?"

Haseo opened his mouth to snap back, but to his surprise, Ovan spoke instead. He had almost forgotten he was there. "I am merely an observer, Sakaki."

"She is mine!" he growled, and Haseo felt an overwhelming fury wash over him. "Like hell!" he screamed. "What did you do to Atoli!?"

"Atoli?" Sakaki looked at him sharply, and Haseo could tell right away that his mask had been completely removed. The calm composure was still there, but the madness was there was well, perfectly hand in hand. He grinned an evil grin and held his hands out religiously, forgetting Ovan momentarily. "Why, if it isn't the Terror of Death!"

Atoli flickered at his side as if she were a simple corrupted data file rather than the container of a lost young woman.

"Look, see for yourself!" Sakaki sneered, and down at the mockery of a classroom, a form began to materialize in the seat of the set-aside desk.

He recognized it immediately as Atoli's frame, but it appeared more like a black-eyed doppelganger than the form of the young cleric girl herself. Traces of smoke seemed to rise from it, like an AIDA-infected thing, and yet it wasn't, more so an echo, a distant glimpse of a past so dark it dyed her skin the very color of it's isolation.

Immediately the blackened eyes widened slightly, the shadowy lips parting in a mix of surprise and fear.

_You!_

She was looking directly at Ovan. Haseo whirled to face the older man, confused, stunned, catching a glimpse of his unbroken expression before the morphed voice of the dark Atoli spoke again.

_What…are you doing here? _

_You have…no right…to be here!_

The thing's slack hands curled into fists, it's bowed head straightened and then arched back, it's colorless mouth opened in a shriek. Above it, Atoli's unmoving frame twitched, then bent suddenly forward, as if someone had punched her in the stomach. Her stark green eyes, possessed and empty, stared ahead in frozen shock, her mouth agape, her hands moving to her flat stomach as if she could take whatever pain was there and tear it out with her bare hands.

_YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!_

"Atoli!" Sakaki cried, his voice a blur of excitement and surprise. "Are you angry? Atoli, show them! Show _him!_ There's no reason to be ashamed anymore! Show him _what you are!_"

"Atoli!" he screamed. "_Atoli!"_

Blackness surrounded her, inverted, and then shot out into the white atmosphere, transforming it into something surreal. Shards of color flew into place, setting themselves right like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. The twisted classroom was gone. The floating ground around it was gone. Ovan and Sakaki were gone. It was only Atoli, curled into a ball, and himself, watching her helplessly.

She screamed, an ear-splitting scream that didn't sound human so much as possessed, a scream that tore his heart into pieces. And suddenly he realized what was going on – there was an avatar inside her, breaking through, forcing itself through her character. The pulse of another heartbeat inside him sounded, and he pressed his fingers to his chest.

"Skeith." he whispered to it patiently, watching.

The avatar arose from her back, majestic and strange, curved sides like a mythical white mermaid, a sleek opal head with a spiked halo, long arms that ended in transparent weapons, the tips sharp and deadly, glittering. Atoli's ghost hung at it's feet, unforgotten, staring at him with those empty eyes.

"_HERE!" _she shrieked, and immediately the pulse in him quickened until it filled his entire brain. There was nothing else to do.

He pressed his fingers to his forehead, feeling for the other life there…yes, there, right there, it grinned as it was recognized, as it was pulled out from his very core, and he whispered to it softly, let me use you, I need your help, Skeith…

"_Skeith!!!"_

His own avatar burst from him at last, consuming him, slashing at the empty air. Atoli's avatar roared in retaliation, a strange, almost lyrical shriek, and he locked unto her.

The words "Innis" appeared above her head.

Not missing a beat, he shot at her, knowing it was the only way, the only thing to do with an infected avatar, even if it was hers. She deflected his attacks without so much as a twitch, and then began to soar across the large plain they were given, Atoli's from still and silent from the corner of his eye.

"Atoli, _stop!_"

Innis began to slash at him with her weapons, the pointed devices at the tips of her fingers, extended swords of glowing color. He dodged, then flew to her, screaming his own battle cry;

"Is this really what you _want!?_"

"_Don't tell me what I want and don't want_!" Atoli's voice moved through Innis, touching the air like ripples on the surface of a lake. There were tears in her voice now, and his stomach twisted painfully to hear them. "Don't tell me to look at myself when you're the one who needs to step back and _look!"_

"What…!?" he breathed, dodging another blow at her, and then landed once successful hit upon her side. Innis did not sway.

"You never look at me!" she screamed. "You never see me! _I want you to look at me!"_

The sleek body of Innis became suddenly transparent, ghosting closer to him. Haseo blinked, then moved the body of Skeith away, slashing all the while, unable to see her health decreasing for the fear of letting his eyes leave it's phantom face.

_"NOBODY EVER LOOKS AT ME!"_

"I'm looking at you right now!" he cried as she caught his slash and deflected it. "Atoli!"

"No, you're not! If you really were, you would have never said what you said!" that twisted voice shrieked. "You would have never just used me to get to your goals! You would have never tossed me aside for _him!"_

"'Him?'" his heart skipped a beat.

"That man!" she cried, and in his mind's eye he could see the tears pouring down her ghostly cheeks. "All you care about now is that man! Everything is unimportant, as long as you have him to worry about!"

"What are you – "

"Ovan!" she cried as Innis struck him flat across the center. Skeith did a double-take, then resumed it's position, scythe in hands. "You're in love with him! I can tell by the way you say his name!"

His heart jumped into his throat. "What are you talking about Atoli?! I – "

"You love him! You do!"

No, this wasn't how it was supposed to go. This wasn't how it was supposed to be moving forward. This was a game, didn't she understand? This was all a game to them, to Ovan, to him….

"I don't love him. He doesn't love me." he tried to tell her. "It's just a g---"

"Don't lie to me! You love him! You've always loved him!" she cried at him fiercely. "I've done everything I could to make you notice me! I tried really hard! I studied on all types of magic, I leveled as much as I could so I'd be of use to you! But you never look at me - you always see right through me! You always saw Shino, and now all you think about is _him!"_

"I'm looking at you, Atoli!" he stopped moving for a moment, focusing on the ghost of her. "I see you --"

"You're lying!" she sobbed. You don't even know who you are!" her chest heaved, her transparent wings swaying slightly with every weighted breath. "How can you know me if you don't even know yourself!?"

Her last words hit him particularly hard. He paused, stunned by her words, unable to believe they had come from her, of all people. And then a thought struck him; something he had thought long ago but never found a chance to share with anyone.

"Atoli…if you fell in love with someone I'd…" he swallowed thickly. "I'd be happy for you." he admitted at last. His face felt hot, but embarrassment be damned, she needed some comfort now.

"….happy…?" Atoli breathed, and for a second she stopped, eyes wide, looking stunned, her cheeks pink.

An opening. Guiltily he struck at her, and her protection fell away in an instant. The words 'protect break' covered his field of vision for a moment, and beside him, Skeith's breath began to speed up with excitement.

He steadied the creature's arm, aiming. And then the sphere of data flew at Innis' still body, connecting, drawing, pulling and pushing and bringing back whatever was needed, sucking it all into Skeith's outstretched arm.

Atoli didn't scream at all. Below, her phantom figure seemed to be closing it's eyes, looking thoughtful and sleepy.

"…happy…" she whispered.

- - - -

He never knew how it was done, or what happened to the place they left behind – or what happened to Sakaki – but somehow they were warped back into real life, and when he opened his eyes as Haseo once more they were in front of Moon Tree. Ovan was at his side, silent and tall, watching with a serious look in his eyes. Atoli was standing with her shoulders hunched, her face flushed red.

"Haseo." she said.

"…Atoli." he acknowledged slowly.

"I…" she began to stammer, turning her pale face down to the floor between them. "I…didn't mean to…"

"You meant what you said." He told her frankly. "It's called honesty. It's good to be honest with yourself, Atoli."

It was as if someone else were speaking for him, and the living him was watching in curious fascination from the sidelines.

"Why…" she spoke as if Ovan wasn't standing a few feet away from her. "Why….why him?"

"…I'm not sure." he said, realizing that part of him was admitting to her claim but too exhausted to care. "It just…"

"You never look at me." she interrupted in a tiny voice.

"I've always been looking at you." he said. "You're my friend, Atoli. I'd never look past you."

She choked a little, her hands twisting anxiously on her lap.

"You have to be strong." he continued. "Just…keep being strong, and remember that we've been looking at you all this time!"

"Um…." She took a deep breath, closing her eyes. "…Haseo…I'm happy for you."

He stopped, surprised. Atoli dared to glance up at him once, her eyes somewhat fearful but also deeply apologetic.

"…Atoli…"

"I'm happy that you….that you found someone to lean on."

She hugged him suddenly, her arms tight around his midsection, and her white wings – no longer transparent – moved in slow motion behind her, falling unto her back gracefully. Slowly, he lifted his arms and returned her embrace. It was strange, how soft her body was, how vulnerable she was. But it was her, it was Atoli, and thinking that he liked her as a friend and only as a friend was somehow like letting go, admitting something he hadn't wanted to admit before.

It was one dangerous step forward, part of him knew.

He stepped away at last, and she wiped at her face a little, smiling with mixed sadness and content. He was only half surprised when a larger, warmer hand took his and squeezed comfortingly.

_Comfortingly…._returning the favor he had just given her.

_My someone to lean on. _the thought came to him without intention.

"Shall we go?" Ovan asked silkily.

Atoli nodded next to him, stepping back a little, and then tried another smile, this one far more accepting and still a little scared.

"I'll always be here for you, Haseo." she said. And then, to Ovan; "…please take good care of him."

"Of course."

"…yeah." Haseo muttered, feeling his face get hot. Atoli's smile broadened slightly, but before he could say another word the familiar feeling of warping overtook him again, and he was being transported somewhere new.


	6. Weak

A/N: Weak

Warning; this chapter contains some soft yaoi.

As far as spoilers go…spoilers on the player behind Haseo. I suppose that's it for this chapter, heh. Enjoy, and thanks for being patient with the Atoli files.

- - - - - - - - - - -

SELFISH

- - - - - - - - - - -

They were in a dungeon; a deep forest set one, with low music and steady drums like heartbeats. Haseo blinked, looking around him judgingly, then turned his eyes to the man that had warped them there.

"Ovan." he said, and the reality of the situation hit him suddenly; Atoli was angry because of them – because of them _together_ – and he had comforted her instead of denying it. Not to mention Sakaki had seen Ovan…he remembered that brief flicker of fear…and Ovan had warped them there to start with…how had he known the location? How had he known Atoli was in danger? How had he known how to hack?

He peered up into the half-masked eyes and found no answers lying there; only a hint of partly concealed fascination and control. "Why are you doing this?" Haseo asked slowly.

"Why…." Ovan repeated thoughtfully. "Why indeed?" he concluded, avoiding the answer shamelessly.

"How did you know Sakaki?"

"We've crossed paths in the past."

"And how did you know how to – "

"Haseo."

Haseo looked up at him impatiently, his heart beating loudly in his ears, feeling himself blush. Atoli's words kept playing in his head like a broken record; _you love him! You do! I can tell by the way you say his name!_

Love?…it wasn't true. At least…it wasn't supposed to be love. Love had a shape in his mind, and that shape wasn't this. Love was an alien thing to him, something he assumed he'd know exactly what it was when it came, but this…this wasn't what he had imagined at all.

And then there were lips on his and he was too exhausted to protest. Ovan kissed in a gentle, reassuring sort of way that made him want to give up for a moment and let himself be cajoled back into a something more simple, that there was no such thing as love and this was just…

Just what?

"Marry me." he breathed when he pulled away at last, leaving Haseo gripping unto his shoulder, fingers partly tangled in his scarf. He ignored the flush that rose into his face once more, and the slight imploring tone the older man allowed himself this time.

_I don't love him. He doesn't love me. This is all a game…._

"Do you really…" he began awkwardly, and glanced up to see Ovan watching him patiently. Carefully, he continued; "Really '_love_' me or are you just…?"

He stared at the ground, his face burning red. "Give me a straight answer or I'll leave." he finished dully, attempting to stay in control as best he could as far as their word games went. Ovan made an accepting sound that could be called a laugh in one light, but it was too easy, and somehow, too conflicting at the same time.

"You are one of the most important prospects of my life right now."

_One _of the most? the words stuck out to him far beyond the intended message. He took a deep breath, his heart feeling heavy.

"Do you doubt me?" Ovan whispered gently.

"You'd better be able to handle it if I…" Haseo began hotly, then trailed off, unsure of what he intended to say.

"Yes?"

"…if I say that I'll be with you." '_love you_' was just too strong a thing to vow, especially when he still wasn't sure what it was.

He smirked, leaning down again. "I can handle you." he said simply, and then, unexpectedly, his hands found his smaller chest and rested there, unmoving, but posing a possibility. Haseo didn't jump, only stared, his mind slowing down momentarily.

"Ov-"

"You're complicated." Ovan admitted, and the hands on his chest idly traced the blackened armor, each touch leaving a strange, echoing sort of sensation he had never experienced before. "And yet you're very easy to read." One hand reached the armor around his throat and slipped past it, gloved hands brushing against the naked skin there. Haseo shivered and forced himself to stand still.

"Somehow you get what you want, even though you let your emotions show on your face." he observed. "…like you are now." he added slyly, grinning a little.

This time he did jump, realizing how hot his cheeks had gotten and how stunned his expression had become, and did his best to re-arrange it to blankness again. "Don't tease me!" he hissed between clenched teeth.

"Is that what you'd really like?" The hand crept up his cheek, beneath his untamed hair, long fingers caressing with something like affection and something like amusement, intermingled. "I wonder, what is it that you'd really ask for if you had the chance…?"

The hand that remained on his chest snaked around his waist. Haseo breathed deeply, telling himself to stay in control, and closed his eyes, focusing on the sensation in spite of himself. Ovan's fingers were rough, but they moved with deliberate care, past his lower back, then resting on the armor around his hips. He chuckled lightly, then leaned in and took the rogue's lips once more.

This kiss was different by far. Ovan was demanding, but somehow, strangely…romantic, experienced, and…different. Giving and taking, but taking all the same, coaxing his mouth open slowly. Haseo let the arm on his shoulder slide around his neck and hold on, his stomach full of butterflies, half-expecting, half-unsure, but not scared, just waiting….

And then he stopped, and Haseo was reminded of their day in the field, Ovan drawing back and silkily declaring; "That's enough for today, don't you think?"

Furious, Haseo grasped at the gunman's hair before he had a chance to straighten his back. "Why did you stop!?" he asked loudly, and the echo of his voice fell back to him against the dungeon walls.

Ovan's gave him a calculating look.

Haseo stared down at their feet, tracing the lines of their armor anxiously as he did his best to avoid looking up into that man's eyes. "Do it…" he commanded, impatience betraying his tone. He wasn't quite sure what he wanted, he just knew he wanted _something, _something more than teasing and stopping too soon.

"I won't."

He slammed his fist into the dungeon wall, and the gray stone cracked beneath his fist. "_Why the fuck not?!"_

"I wouldn't touch someone whose not my bride." Ovan said easily, and Haseo could have slapped him.

"I'm giving you permission." he reminded him hotly.

"Permission?" Ovan repeated, raising an eyebrow. "To do what?" he smiled a little, then leaned in, that hand still on his hip, while the other moved down from his cheek to correspond it. "Do you even know what you're asking for?"

Haseo stared at him, speechless. "….kiss me." he muttered after what seemed like an eternity of embarrassed thoughts.

Ovan kissed him shortly, curtly, then pulled away far too soon again, grinning with purpose.

_It's a game._ he thought. _It's still a game, even though….._

"You bastard." Haseo growled.

"I love you too." Ovan said back gently, and then the hands at his hips slipped past the initial armor and brushed against the skin beneath. Haseo started, then froze, surprised, as Ovan gently ordered; "Isn't this what you asked for?"

"You won't…" Won't what? his mind supplied for him.

"No, I won't." Ovan agreed to whatever the unspoken statement might be, leaning forward and nipping at his ear slightly. Haseo shivered, frozen still, mesmerized by the hands on his hips and the lips at his cheek, gasping a little when he felt the older man's tongue touch his skin briefly.

"Why do we h-have to…." he tried to speak though the haze that seemed to have fallen over him. "M-marry? Why can't we j-just…" A sharp gasp, his fingernails digging into his skin. "…just do this?"

"Because I want to marry you." Ovan's voice was calm and even, as if they were doing nothing more than talking from a usual distance.

"But…"

"I won't be here forever." he breathed into his ear, and Haseo resisted the urge to pull back and catch the look on his face – his voice was strange, unmatched, and very abnormal. "….what?" he whispered.

"You'll still have a ring when I'm gone." he explained.

Gone? "That's…." he gasped again when Ovan found his neck and bit at it none-too-gently. "…s-stupid…."

"It's the truth." His breath was hot against his skin.

"You're…" How could he think with all this going on? Haseo swallowed deeply and tried again; "Q-quitting…?"

"No." he said simply.

"Then wh – " _what are you talking about?_

"Will you marry me?" he pulled away, and Haseo wondered vaguely if there was a mark on his neck now, if that was even possible in The World. How the hell should he know? He only came here to play a regular game, he would have never expected to be caught up in something more. And if they expected him to believe there was a monster living inside his character, who was to say he couldn't get marks when bitten?

"No…" he whispered at last.

"So stubborn." Ovan observed, stepping back enough so that Haseo could see his face – composed as usual. "Will you marry me?" he asked again, and Haseo watched his lips as he said those words, mesmerized. 

Then, forcefully; "N-no!"

He wasn't going to be some stupid bride. He wasn't going to embarrass himself like that. He wasn't….

_I'm glad…that you found someone to lean on._

"Haseo…"

"….fine." he looked down at the ground beside them, unwilling to see the expression in his eyes now. He heard his voice, softly, as if he wanted one more verification before, and one of those hands left his hip and took his hand. "What…?"

"I said 'fine.'" He jerked his hand out of Ovan's, then immediately wished that he hadn't. It felt so cold without his fingers there on the back of his palm like that. "I'll marry you. I'm not doing a stupid wedding, but I'll wear your crappy wedding ring if it's that important to you."

A tiny smile. Then; "…I don't think so."

Haseo stared at him blankly, unable to believe what he had just heard. "_What?...!"_

"We don't have to invite anyone, but I do want a proper wedding, Haseo." A laugh, elusive, but not cruel in the least. "That's what being married means. And just giving someone a ring is so boring, don't you think…?"

"_What!_" He hissed again. Then; "What the hell are you _thinking?_"

"Put your mind to it – what do normal weddings have? A dress – " He paled considerably "...people, gifts, the rites, the kiss – "

"Screw that!" Haseo shouted, fury pounding in his veins. "I said I'd exchange rings, and that's all!"

"Selfish…" Ovan breathed.

"Son of a _bitch!_" he shouted, taking a step back from him and his damn probing hands. "I'm not wearing a goddamn dress, and I'm definitely not wearing it in front of _other people!_"

"We'll keep it small." he said, looking somewhat amused by his reaction rather than hurt by it.

"Small!" he repeated as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Yes, small. You can invite whoever you like of course, even if it's only one or two people. Don't you think they'd be happy for you, Haseo? Real friends are there to support you, after all."

He stopped, realizing he had just been backed into a corner. He had said so himself, after all, and Atoli had cemented it.

_If you had fallen in love with someone…I would be happy for you…._

But at the same time, he was wrong. They hadn't accepted it completely. Atoli wouldn't, because…because it wasn't a normal thing. Because he wasn't running off with a woman that she could just extend her jealousy to and leave it at that, he was running off with the very _male_ ex-leader of the Twilight Brigade.

Not to mention how the others would take it, if Atoli alone had been such misunderstanding and hurt. "It's embarrassing." He managed to choke out.

"Love isn't supposed to be embarrassing." Ovan pointed out gently.

"…why a dress then?" A final plea. "Why not just…?"

"Because." he said. "I want a flower in your hair, right here…" he touched a spot just above his forehead, and Haseo shivered a little instinctively, though he didn't step away. "And another one here…" he touched his throat, the barest brush of gloved fingers against flesh. "It's a lovely design, and you're so slim, you'd fit in it perfectly…"

"M'not slim." he protested half-heartedly. 'slim' was a word you heard when girls were describing their newest fashion fads in high-pitched voices.

"Mm." he didn't seem to be listening, hands moving to his waist. "I think they end right about here, and then it goes into a skirt." A tiny smile, envisioning. "Your hips are perfect for it." he added mischievously, tapping the armor just below his midsection thoughtfully.

"My hips." Haseo repeated flatly in disbelief.

"Yes. You have very…what's the word." He chuckled lightly. "'_Feminine'_ hips."

Haseo felt his face redden and a frown darkening his features. "Sometimes I swear, Ovan, you'd rather I picked a female character."

"Don't be silly." he purred. "You're perfect like this."

"You'll fall so in love with Haseo you won't even care what the real me looks

like…" he found himself beginning to complain.

"Oh?" the hand on his waist pulled him closer – urged him, more like, and Haseo took one small step with masked obedience. "Do tell, then."

The blush deepened. "U-uh…"

"….your hair?" he offered kindly.

"…black."

"And here I thought you'd be the type to run out and dye it different colors to impress your friends." Haseo grumbled something about stereotypes and idiot gunners who assumed too much. "How long?"

"Like this." he touched his own – 'Haseo's' – hair. "Spiked, like this."

"So you're not so different after all." there was a lightness to his tone. "How tall are you?"

"….5'7''." he felt like he was being interrogated. "How tall are _you_?" he shot back, more so to redeem himself than to really ask.

"6'5''." Ovan said, looking amused.

"Holy _fuck._" he swore loudly. "I don't suppose you're that ol-- ...fuck it, I don't even want to know how old you are."

"I'm twenty six." he replied evenly.

Haseo groaned loudly. "My mom would kill me."

"Oh, shush." he laughed, more openly than the other small chuckles that had accompanied his words before. There was an deep, honest sound to it. "I'm not asking you to give me your address and let me meet your parents or anything of the sort…we can just keep it to Ovan and Haseo if you'd –"

"No." he interrupted. "I want to know. You'd better be honest with me, too."

"I'm all yours." he said, laughter still in his voice. "Now, tell me, your eyes…? You don't wear any red contacts around the house, do you?"

"They're brown." Haseo said stiffly.

"Weight?" he continued.

"119lb…"

"Ah, then you _are _slim." he smirked. "You don't sound too different to me."

"Yeah, well…" he looked away, not sure how to respond. "Neither do you, _old man_."

Ovan laughed again. Haseo looked up at him nervously, then down at the floor, then at the forest scenery around them, wondering why he felt so suddenly antsy. His heart sped up briefly and he willed it to slow again.

But, he thought, he still didn't know this man, even if...

There was a pregnant pause, in which Haseo guiltily tried to think of how to word his thoughts. "What's your…" he began softly. "…your real name?"

"I want you to call me Ovan." Ovan said shortly, brushing his hair back behind his ear. Haseo pushed his hand away slowly, eyes narrowing. "I _will." _He assured him. "But I still want to know your real name."

"I can't tell you." The hand appeared at his hair again, and this time Haseo didn't shove it away. "Not yet."

"Why not?" he muttered suspiciously. "I'm marrying you, aren't I?"

"I want you to think of me as Ovan." he admitted. "That way…"

He fell silent for a moment, and the deep jungle music continued in what would have been a very awkward silence, the drums mismatched against the heartbeat in his ears. "when I'm gone…" Ovan finished at last. "It will be the name you remember. You can curse 'Ovan' all you want. But if we meet face to face, that way…"

Understanding washed over him. That way, they could start anew. That way, nothing they did in The World would matter so much, because the slate would be clean: his name would be clean.

"….selfish." was all he could think to whisper.

Ovan smiled sadly. "….perhaps."


	7. Calm

A/N: Still volume-two set.

No real spoilers in this chapter. Very fictional. The game didn't gave too many details about the wedding event itself, so I'm having some fun with it.

Kind of a fluffy chapter XD Enjoy.

* * *

SELFISH

Apparently there was a special place in Mac Anu to go to for the wedding event preparations. Haseo didn't find that too odd, if not a little stupid, but the worst part about it all was the walk there.

He had never known Mac Anu could be so _crowded._

"Wasn't he the leader of the Twilight Brigade? Ovan?" someone whispered loudly, and a white-faced girl shook her head in what could have been a yes or a no. There was a small relief in the fact that none of their spectators actually came forward and _asked_ them anything, but Haseo wasn't in the mood to count his blessings when there were god knows how many eyes following his every move.

"And _Haseo?_"

"Are they getting the guild back together again? Seems a little pointless, I heard – "

"Well I just never _see_ him anymore, I thought he quit – "

"Feeling popular?" Ovan whispered to him, looking smug, and Haseo shot him a don't-you-dare look that he hoped would silence him immediately. Ovan merely laughed a small yet obviously amused laugh and for a moment, Haseo thought he was going to take his hand.

How were they going to do this, anyway? If holding hands in Mac Anu was such an immense horror in his mind, how on earth were they going to get _married? _Or even ask to buy rings, for that matter? The rumors would spread like wild fire. Haseo opened his mouth to voice some of this to Ovan, then realized he had no real clue of how to put all of this into words and not risk anyone overhearing, so he simply shut his mouth again and looked away.

He had walked past this place in seconds before, but now the walk to the event counter seemed hours of torture.

* * *

The woman behind the counter bowed and didn't ask questions, and for that Haseo was glad. She tapped her lip a little when Ovan presented him – 'presented' as the only word that seemed to fit, Haseo thought, with Ovan grasping his shoulders gently and holding him before him like a child – and then mumbled something to herself happily and turned to enter a closet-sized door that Haseo could only assume held the items.

"We'll have to alter it slightly." she said to Ovan. "For his height." She blushed a little when an immediate answer was not presented.

"Of course."

"Well, come with me." she said to Haseo, trying to look welcoming. "I'll just edit your data temporarily and you'll be able to see the finished thing…if you don't like something we can edit it for a little extra money. Easy enough, no?"

Haseo stared at her briefly, lost for words, and turned to Ovan with a pleading expression on his face.

"You heard her." he said gently, and Haseo thought bitterly that the gunman seemed to be enjoying himself immensely.

* * *

Haseo didn't dare look down at himself after the woman finished with her work. She happily led him into a wide, oval room with a single oversized mirror with a small white stool that Haseo thought looked very normal compared to the usual out-of-place interiors of The World. He stood there for a moment, not looking in the mirror and feeling his face getting hotter and hotter as he wondered how ridiculous he looked. It seemed to take an eternity, but at last, Ovan walked in.

He smiled faintly and tipped his head to one side. "You look lovely." was all his said.

"You sound nostalgic, old man." Haseo shot back, sighing and turning around with dread to see what the woman had done to him.

He groaned aloud once, and Ovan laughed softly.

The dress itself was still The World-style; there was a veil he hadn't even felt sitting on his head – or rather – not sitting, but _floating_ there, a few centimeters off, it's gold lined hues soft and subtle against the pure whites of the rest of the gown. It reached just to his feet, the front in a sideways curve across his chest, and dotting the horrid thing were several white roses.

Ovan had been right about one thing, at least.

"White roses, huh?" he said, smiling thinly. "Nothing's holding them there, they're going to fall out…"

"No they won't." Ovan stepped behind him, his eyes admiring.

"Looks unnatural." he muttered, turning around. He stopped, hands on his hips, then poked at the material with a look of dissatisfaction"….it's frilly." he said flatly.

"Unfortunately, they've only got one style out." Ovan smirked. "Unless you want to pay extra to take that off?"

"You've looked into this ahead of time." he growled.

"Of course. Such a good idea, this online wedding event. If only R.2 was a bit older, they'd have something more in your tastes as well."

"Something less _frilly._" Haseo said sharply, resisting the urge to stomp his foot since he still wasn't quite sure if the dress's glassy heels were as fragile as they looked. It wasn't as if they would need to make them durable, since it wasn't designed for battle. "I don't like this." He sighed, glanced around the room twice for something to complain to and finding only Ovan.

"Goddamn wedding dress." He sat down on the stool in front of the mirror and pulled up the front of the dress to check out the garter he felt tugging at his leg, snapping at the elastic disapprovingly. "And why are you so damn persistent? If you're so interested why not act proper about it?"

"It looks to me like all your other admirers were content to just sigh and wish and get left behind. Besides, I'm not patient." He kneeled down beside him, watching his reflection in the mirror.

"You really creep me out sometimes. I never know what you're thinking."

"Then why are you going along with it?"

"….because…" Haseo caught himself for a moment, embarrassed, then quickly shot back; "Because I don't know, alright? Just _because_." He reached for him, unsure of what he was intending to do, really, just wanting to do something more than sit there and look at himself, transformed into something docile in the mirror. His hand found on the bridge of Ovan's glasses and rested there half-heartedly.

"You're so goddamn selfish." Haseo muttered. "But at least you get it." he slid the glasses off his face and turned them around in his hands. Ovan watched him softly. "'Get it?'" he repeated.

"Yeah." A blush. "Cuz we're guys, right? Maybe I'm selfish too, because…crap, stop looking at me like that." he said sharply when he glanced up at Ovan's unmasked eyes. He had never really gotten a chance to see them closely before without the hue of red covering them, but now they seemed somehow out of place; twin drops of piercing blue-gray color fixed intently on him, as if nothing else around them mattered.

Ovan smiled slightly but did not look away. "Because you…?" he continued to press.

"…because I kinda like it." he admitted, still turning the glasses over in his hands. "You being all selfish like that. You keep saying you want me to remember you and all, but you're not…you're not leaning on me. I'm sick of being leaned on." It was somewhat of a relief to say so out loud, but when Ovan did comment, he continued; "You don't stand there and cry when you need help, you…you _do_ things instead." He sighed. "Even if they're…selfish things. Things like this."

"Your hands are shaking." He let his hand rest on Haseo's knee, still half-covered by the dress he had hiked up for inspection.

"No, they're not." He glanced down at his trembling hands and didn't even try to stop them - just let them lay there on his lap with Ovan's glasses clutched between them.

He cast an unsure eye on the folds of the dress again.

"You look nice." Ovan said seriously, as if to confirm his thoughts, and he didn't smile or laugh or anything Haseo would have expected someone in his position to do. Then, still kneeling, he lay his head on the rouge's lap.

Haseo tensed a little, then reluctantly let one slightly shaking hand touch the gunman's bright hair. He had seen or felt things like this before with other people, but it was different this time. Not because it wasn't Atoli or Shino who had been scared or exhausted, like Haseo was now, and not because he was a man, because Endrance clung to him every chance he got and some of the others would even hold his hand or lean on his shoulder. It was just – different. Strange.

"Soft." Ovan muttered.

"Yeah." he whispered, dizzy with his thoughts.

"Marry me?"

"I already said yes, you idiot."

"Say it again, then. I want to hear you say it."

"Yes." Haseo repeated obediently. Then; "You're paying for the rings, you know - and the dress."

His shoulders shook a little, laughing. "I wouldn't dream of making my bride pay for his dress."

"Good." he laughed a little, too, because in that moment it seemed alright to allow himself one honest laugh, in spite of all the wreckage that seemed to be occurring in The World around them. And people fell in love in war, didn't they?

_Love,_ Haseo thought, and looked down at Ovan's head resting in his lap and the folded red glasses sitting innocently by his hand. _Defenses down. _He smiled at the unlikelihood of the situation, and though it would have been easy to pull away and stand up or even demand his regular clothes back, he couldn't seem to find the will to take his hand away from Ovan's hair.


	8. Naked

A/N: Chapter; Naked (in an emotional sense, silly)

And thus, the plot twist begins.

Thank you so much, guys, for your watches, story favorites, author favorites, fantastic reveiws which always keep my motivation going, and wonderful patience. I know I've been slow. But, here's chapter 8! Enjoy.

**SPOILERS** for **volume two**! I advise you to **stop reading** if you haven't finished the game yet.

- - - - - - - - - - -

SELFISH

- - - - - - - - - - -

It was nothing fancy – a small, silver band. Haseo stared at it uncertainly in Ovan's palm, still feeling transformed, different in the little white wedding dress. He felt as if he should say something, or do something, or even think something, but his thoughts all seemed to have turned to dust and his words were dry in his mouth and his body was frozen solid and all he could do was _stare._

"You don't have to wear it." Ovan said at last, a touch of amusement in his voice. But Ovan was wearing his, and it glittered innocently against his finger.

"I'm wearing it." Haseo said stubbornly, reaching out to snatch it out of his hand, and the paralysis was broken. Ovan nodded once, smiling softly, watching Haseo observe the ring.

"It's designed like an item as well." he said. "You can store it away if you like."

"I'm wearing it." Haseo repeated numbly. Storing it away – making it just another string of data – that was out of the question. He slipped it on his ring finger quickly, before he could change his mind. It was warm and solid against his glove.

Hesitation. Then; "This really seals it, doesn't it?"

"'Seals it?'" Ovan repeated kindly.

"This." he gestured with his hands to nothing. "_This."_

Ovan leaned forward and the kiss was more of a brush than a kiss, just the slightest of slight touches, his lips barely connecting with his. "This." he agreed.

Haseo felt himself smile in spite of himself. "They'll have to find out."

Ovan nodded silently.

He sighed loudly. "I don't want to go around telling them, really, but I guess I kind of have to, right? It's only fair."

Red-masked eyes watching him.

"But only on one condition."

"Yes?"

"You have to tell Shino."

Ovan's expression changed to one of honest surprise, then, a tiny smile. His eyes closed briefly. "It's settled, then." he said. "I will let her know."

"Face-to face." Haseo ordered. "Let her know, like…like I tried to do with Atoli. Make sure she's happy."

"As you wish."

"Mm." He leaned his head against Ovan's shoulder for a moment, and it was like a forbidden fruit, quiet bliss to let his weight settle on the gunman. Ovan's hand touched his shoulder gently. "My bride." he whispered.

And for once, Haseo could not think of a snide answer in retort.

- - - - - -

_Haseo,_

_Something has happened with Sakaki. Yata has allowed Pai and myself to go find him. Will you please come with us? I want you to be there when whatever happens, happens. _

_Sincerely,_

_Atoli._

Haseo re-read her letter three times before closing his eyes and rubbing his hand absently against his ring finger, feeling the band of metal there. _Whatever happens, happens. Sakaki. _He thought of the Moon-Tree fanatic himself, smirking with an immobile Atoli floating by his side. Whatever she had heard, whatever had gone on…it must mean a lot to her. Of course he'd be there. Of course.

He warped to the cities, searching for her, and quickly located her and Pai at Dol Dona. Pai was standing with her hands folded across her ample chest, bubblegum hair flowing out behind her, her eyes hard and serious behind transparent glasses. Atoli was standing with her head forward, eyes straight ahead and determined, hands fisted at her sides as if someone had challenged her to fight. Usually she looked docile, but now she looked lived, real, a girl who had pulled through pain and come out as a different person.

_Good for you, Atoli. _he thought with a smile, and then his mind wandered to the ring on his finger and he quickly hid it behind his back.

"Haseo!" she said lightly upon spotting him. "Thank you for coming! Yata located Sakaki and – and – "

"Yes."

"Thank you." she said again, then gave Pai a half-demanding, half-pleading look. Pai nodded her head gracefully. Atoli took a breath. "Please follow me." she said, and turned on her heel, touching the transport gate.

Things began to pass by in a blur.

His thoughts were racing, his body racing, Pai at his side, following a running Atoli through a dungeon, her gold-lined heels clicking with every step, the tassel on her hat fanning out behind her. Pai's hands curled into fists, moving with her legs as she ran. He kept his hands low at his sides, trying not to think of the ring there. Trying not to think of their reactions when he told them. Trying not to think of Ovan. Pai…Pai would respect him in the end, he thought. But Atoli…she may have already understood, but at the same time, he wasn't so sure. It wasn't an easy thing to accept. This wasn't Shino he was turning her down for, something she could reason away. This was Ovan.

"Here!" she said at last, and they were transporting again.

They were standing in a beautiful yet eerie Lost Ground, with bars lining the single walkway like a giant, dead creature's rib cage. In the distance there was a figure, a tall, solid something with the figure of a stone creature curled around the top. The music playing sent shivers down his spine – a woman's haunting voice, the silence between her notes like sentences to death.

Just steps away stood Sakaki.

He turned as they approached, Atoli in the lead, walking with sure, even steps and yet appearing so hesitant and scared. He tried to get his thoughts across from her, tell her she was doing all right, tell her she was brave. And she was brave – so brave. He was proud of her.

"Atoli." Sakaki said. "Atoli. I'm going to create our world, the world you always wanted. I'm going to make it, Atoli, my ideals will become a reality. And you and I…we'll be the center of it all. We'll be the rulers of a perfect world. Come with me, Atoli. Come with me…"

He turned around.

Haseo felt his body tense. Sakaki's eyes were crazed, different, but at the same time, sane. He knew what he was doing, what he was ready to do. He understood completely, and that was exactly what made him so threatening. Atoli wasn't moving. Her silence said something, something he was afraid to interpret. The woman's eerie voice fell over them like a spell, singing, singing…

"No, thank you!"

Sakaki moved, his lips parted, stunned. His key pawn his denied him.

"I want to live in a world with pain!" She shook her head once, blood hair swaying, her lips pressed together in a thin line of determination. "I want to live in a world where we get hurt every day, and we cry! We cry because we're human!"

"Ato-"

"But then we look back on all the hurt and the pain and we laugh about it!" she continued over him. "I want to live in a world where you can hold your best friends hand – and believe in them, and have the believe in you! I want to struggle, and fight, and find out who I am, and who I love!"

Her head turned suddenly toward Haseo, her eyes brimming. "I want to live in a world where we can say 'congratulations' to someone we really love, someone whose found what they've been searching for…I want to live in a world where our hearts get broken and mended again, where we can learn to be happy for someone no matter what they want or who they fall in love with!"

She paused, taking a deep breath, and then, eyes fixed on Haseo, her pink lips trembling slightly, mouthed out the words 'I'm sorry'

Her round face turned back to her target, alive, undaunted. "Who needs a perfect world, Sakaki?"

There was silence. Sakaki looked stunned, his white skin paler than usual, staring at Atoli, who stood frozen with her knees pressed together and hands balled into fists at her sides.

Then, he began to laugh.

"Traitor!" he said between breaths, his eyes wide and crazed. Haseo sensed danger and felt the familiar course of hot blood through his veins. "Betrayer!" he cried, his long ponytail swaying as he moved. "All who betray me are my enemies! All who betray me must _die!_"

He lunged at Atoli.

And before Haseo could react, she threw a hand out to stop him, drawing out her weapon and thrusting it hard into Sakaki's stomach. He saw the pain underneath her mask of determination, the feeling of wanting to hesitate, of not wanting to hurt someone who meant so much to her, and yet she pulled through it, drawing her staff up again and bringing it down over his head with a sickening _crack._

Sakaki's hands reached to draw out his weapon, and Haseo quickly wielded his scythe. Then;

"No! I want to do this! I want to fight him!"

Her eyes were burning. Slowly, Haseo lowered his weapon.

Atoli brought the blunt end of her staff down on Sakaki's wrists before he could touch his broadsword. He hissed in pain, jerking his hands away, and for a moment Haseo thought he was going to pounce on her with his hands around her thin, fragile neck, but instead he turned his back and drew the weapon out regardless, large and deadly in appearance, almost a big as Atoli herself.

But she didn't stop. "You hurt me!" she cried, whirling her staff around and slamming it against his knees. He fell to the floor, propping himself up with his weapon, and she quickly took out the other leg. "You hurt me, Sakaki, but I forgive you! You know why?"

"You _bitch!_" He screamed at her, the cords standing out on his neck.

"Because you're human! Because everyone deserves to be forgiven! Because even the darkest – " another slap – "foulest – " a third, this one to his ribs – "most evil thing in the world has a heart, deep down inside, and I know you still have a heart, Sakaki! I know you still want to live in a world with pain!"

Sakaki drew his weapon up above his head. It came crashing down where Atoli stood, and she quickly jumped to the side, but not without the blade grazing her elbow. A voice beside him cried 'repth!' and Atoli breathed, rejuvenated. Haseo realized, then, that this was all he could do.

"Repth!" he cried, strengthening her. Then again, as the battle moved by in a blur; "Repth! Repth!"

Atoli's breathing came hard and fast, her eyes alight like two twin fireflies, glowing. Her knuckles were white around the length of her weapon, continuing to ram it into Sakaki, hitting his vital points. Haseo knew she was no wizard at fighting, knew her strength was healing and healing alone, and through he was impressed with her spunk and strength, he couldn't see how this battle could end in her favor. Yet, he'd revive her again and again if that meant she could pull through. After Ovan, he owed her that much, at least.

And then a larger, broader hand caught Sakaki's wrist, and his weapon came tumbling out of it, hitting the floor with a loud _smack. _The man's shadow fell over them, looming, and Atoli took a step back, her raised weapon falling, staring up in stunned silence at the person who had interrupted her battle.

"O…Ovan?"

"Forgive me, Atoli, for cutting in." he said smoothly as Sakaki stared up at him in horror. "But I believe it's time we got rid of him for good, don't you think?"

"…no…" Sakaki whispered.

"Yes." Ovan said simply, and in a blur of electric color, Sakaki faded with the familiar sounds of warping. Ovan let his hand fall back to his side calmly as Atoli stared up at him, lived.

"Why did you do that?" she asked softly. "Where did he go?"

"Somewhere where we're likely to never have to deal with him again."

Atoli hesitated visibly, unsure of what to say. And then Ovan turned to Haseo.

"I would have gotten here earlier, but some old friends held me back." he said smoothly, and beneath his shining glasses Haseo couldn't read his expression. For some reason, his blood began to run cold. Something was wrong, something more than just Sakaki.

"Atoli." he said numbly. "Stand back."

He heard the clicking of her heels hitting stone as Atoli obeyed.

"I'm sorry, Haseo." Ovan said softly. "I think it's about time you learned the truth."

"The truth?" he asked softly, his hand finding the silver band on his finger again. His eyes found Ovan's ring and fixed on it.

"Yes. Do you not finally wish to understand it? The truth about everything – about Tri-Edge, about Shino. The truth."

Haseo tore his eyes away from the ring and stared up at him, dumbstruck. "You know?" he whispered.

"I do."

"Then – tell me! Why haven't you told me, Ovan! All those times – " he said quickly, unsure of what was going on or what they were saying. All those times they were alone – shouldn't he have said something if he really knew? His mind wandered back to the fields, to the cathedral, to the little hints in the air like new winds, and to Ovan, to Ovan…

"Come here."

Haseo stepped forward, forgetting Atoli, forgetting Pai, and Ovan snaked a hand around his waist. His arm felt cool and soft against his back, strange, though, somehow strange, and then he realized all at once – Ovan wasn't just hugging him. He was reaching _around_ him, reaching around to touch his imprisoned arm, to touch the lock, to let it crumble, fall to the ground…

And in an instant something white-hot and bubbling was pressed against the back of is neck. A blade. AIDA. Ovan's face just inches from his. Two hands, now, two hands on his back, one of them clenched around a gun, the other one fused with a weapon he knew was there but couldn't see. Distantly, he heard Pai's loud gasp, Atoli's strangled scream. Trapped against Ovan's chest. _Just let me remember you. _His hands rose, clutched unto his light scarf, fisted the material under his fingers. "Ovan." he whispered, and was surprised to hear the fear in his voice. "_Ovan…"_

"I love you."

Haseo felt his body freeze up, his blood run cold. No. _No. _It couldn't be. Not Ovan. Not him.

"Yes." Ovan breathed, as if reading his very thoughts. "I am Tri-Edge. I put Shino into her coma. It was me, all of this – all of this is my fault, Haseo."

"Ovan." he whimpered. It seemed to be all he could say.

_I love you._

_I love you, too._

The blade was hot and ominous against his neck.

"Let me go." he said softly. "Ovan – let me go." The world around him seemed to be spinning, and he locked his eyes on Ovan's scarf, on his white-knuckled fingers entwined with the fabric, on the bottom of Ovan's face showing just out of the corner of his eye, a mouth that was neither a smile or a frown, just existing. Real. "Let me go." he repeated dimly.

Slowly, the blade fell away from his neck. Ovan's hands reluctantly released his waist. Haseo stumbled backward, seeing, really _seeing_ Ovan for the first time. AIDA seemed to consume him, branching off his shoulder, sprouting like a sick, black aura all around his body. Dimly his brain registered the weapons in his hands, but his eyes were fixed instead on his face. An unreadable face, soft mouth, that glare from his glasses, hiding his eyes from the world.

He couldn't move.

And then threads of azure light began to work around Ovan's head, traveling up his body as he began to fade away. Warping. No. _No –_

"Don't leave me!" he cried, rushing forward, away from Pai, away from Atoli, into the spinning circles of light. Ovan's mouth changed – a smile – a frown? And then he was gone, and they were alone, and before he knew it, he had fallen to his knees.

"I can't…believe it." he whispered as the last traces of elusive blue light transported themselves away. "You…"

He felt Atoli's hesitant fingertips brush against his shoulder fearfully, Pai's looming shadow appearing over him as she rushed to his side…

"…you made me love you…"


	9. Broken

A/N: Okay, there's a few things that should be said.

Things have been really tough. I'm not trying to excuse anything, I'm just saying I have priorities. To clarify, actually, I have manic depression, and lately the medicine has been changing a bit, so things in my life have been in cycles. My sleep, my moods, my energy, all sorts of things. I gave up this fic in the middle of it, and felt pretty lousy over that, too, because I enjoyed writing it very much.

So, in short, things have settled down a tiny bit – in any case, my mood has been better, though my sleep is still awful. But. I was flipping through my old fiction to decide on what to do, started writing a Harry Potter fic, and then realized – I still have Selfish, don't I? And I had fun with this fic, and I still want to have fun with it.

So I decided to sit down and write out the rest of it, one hundred percent, if only because I didn't want to start it up again and then put it on another hiatus. I've already made you guys suffer enough.

I'm afraid to think my writing has gotten worse and I won't be able to live up to my previous chapters, which of course, tempted me even more not to continue, but you guys deserve some closure.

Here's the rest of Selfish, please accept it as an apology. .

- - - - - - - - - - -

SELFISH

- - - - - - - - - - -

Mac Anu's colors seemed duller, now. He didn't wonder why – he didn't care. Sitting on the steps leading up to the connecting bridge over to the dome, head in his hands, he watched avatars pass by, most of them smiling. Carefree. None of them had any idea what was happening in the World, none of them had any idea of the battle they were going through, of the Avatars, of Ov-

. . .

His hands were strange, almost like plastic against his skin, and from afar he could see Gaspard watching him, eyes worried, not sure what was going on or what he should say or do or if he should do anything at all. Haseo was sure it was in his nature to be kind. Some people were just like that. Others led you on to believe they loved you and then knocked you down into the dirt.

The virtual sun beat down against his back. Rays of light cascaded past his vision. Realistic, he thought. The amount of detail they put into this game. How much was really fake, how much real? He didn't know what to believe anymore, where the lines and limits ended.

A body sat down next to his.

"Hey."

He didn't answer. Couldn't answer, he almost thought. It seemed, after what had happened, that he couldn't seem to do anything but sit on the steps and watch the people glide by. "Hey." Pai repeated, but it wasn't insistent rather than sad. "Things have been hard for you recently. I just wanted to let you know we're all by your side."

Her head turned to watch him, possibly gauging for a reaction. Haseo's face didn't change. It felt empty, blank, like the gaze of a dead man. Pai must of noticed, because her next words were softer, more gentle. "The others are concerned, but I know you need time to yourself too. Please don't think too much. Some painful things are better left buried."

_I can't bury this._

Images of the past wove through his head. It seemed like ages ago, already. The questions, the answers, the touches, the kisses. The things he had let him do. Again and again he looked down at his engagement ring, again and again contemplating taking it off, throwing it away. Deleting it. But would good would erasing it do? It would just make things final, and that he couldn't stand. Final, as if this would be it, he would never find closure, never see Ovan again. Final. . .giving up.

But it already felt like he had given up.

"I worry about you, Haseo." she said. "Don't think I don't care. I support you."

He tried to nod, but his head didn't seem to want to move. Pai watched closely. After a while, she got up and left, the usual strut in her step gone. Her pink hair trailed behind her like twin waterfalls. He looked away.

Nobody else knew. They noticed, of course, his sudden withdrawal, his depression. But only Pai and Atoli had really seen the cause of it, and neither of them had told. There was no proof of it, but he knew. They weren't like that, not Pai, especially not Atoli.

_We all want to live in a perfect world._

Her words hadn't completely made sense until he realized how far away a perfect world was.

_(I love you_

_the blade, hot against his neck)_

_Just let me remember you._

He wondered if Ovan remembered him now. The look on his face. He wondered if Ovan had seen him fall to his knees, heard his whispered words. He wondered, but he shouldn't have wondered, because wondering jus made it more painful.

He did it anyway.

-------------------

The at-home was quiet. Death Grunty was gone. He ran his fingers along the cold-tile walls detachedly before letting the gloved tips slip noiselessly back to his sides. Then the door eased open behind him, cautiously, nervously, and he knew at once who was there.

"Haseo."

He could almost picture her, small frame, round shoulders, backdrop of white. Thin legs clad in pale stockings, delicate heels, but different eyes. Always such different eyes. Ovan always kept his eyes hidden, and Haseo had only seen behind them once, at the dress fitting. Stark, bold, but soft. Unique. But still, in the end, it was all just a game, just pixels and polygons.

"Haseo." came her voice again, pleading.

He didn't move.

"I. . ." Atoli had never sounded so strange before, such a mix of emotions, not even when fighting her in battle. "I thought about it. I thought about you, and me. . .about Ovan. And I realized, suddenly, I realized. . .this is different from anything I've ever encountered. I can't even begin to understand what you're going through, Haseo. But I can be there for you. I want to be - . . .I am your friend. So. . .please. . .lean on me."

There was the soft, contained sounds of her heels hitting the floor, approaching him. Then, a soft, gloved hand on his shoulder. Gently, with her other fingers, she combed her hands through his hair, like a mother, until he had inclined his head toward her, almost subconsciously.

"You saved me, Haseo. I want you to be happy."

But he couldn't. She wasn't his someone to lean on. That person was gone, he had betrayed him. Almost without thinking, he pushed her away, heard her soft gasp, her tiny sigh. Felt her fingers grasp his shoulders again, firmly.

"Haseo." she insisted. "We all care about you. Me, Pai, Kuhn, and Canard, and everyone else! We all want you to be happy! And I know there's not much we can do, but you taught me yourself, that friends should be there for each other!"

"What can you do." he whispered.

"I. . ." he saw her hesitation from the corner of his eye. "I think. . .the first step to healing. . .is admitting how you feel. Then you can confront it, and it's no longer shadowy. It might be scary, but. . .sometimes. . .it's the only way."

Her hands squeezed his shoulders with surprising strength, and she shook her head, blonde hair swaying.

"Please don't forget about us. We all love you very much, Haseo."

His shoulders stiffened beneath her touch.

". . .thank you." he said, and he wasn't sure why he said it, if he really meant it or if it was just to get rid of her or if it was just the good guy in him trying to make her feel better. But Atoli nodded slightly and released him, taking a half-step back. "I'll. . .leave you be, then. Take care, Haseo."

He saw the neon circles of light surround her as she warped away.

Without even realizing what he was doing, Haseo began to pull up a short message box.

_The first step to healing is admitting how you feel._

The empty passage loomed ahead of him like a curse.

_(I love you)_

His fingers shook slightly.

_(I love you)_

Time passed. He wasn't sure how long, nor did he quite care. All he knew was that at some point he had written a message to Ovan.

"I love you, too."

And at another point, he pressed 'send.'

- - - - - - -

Things moved so fast in the world. Before, he had tried to keep up. Now, it was as if someone had sucked all the energy out of him, and even walking was an empty act.

When he heard that they had tracked down Ovan, he almost didn't react at all. Atoli was beside him, sitting close and talking gently, like a sister, when Pai came with the news. They all cast their gazes down to Haseo, who in turn looked down and away.

His engagement ring caught his eye, a subtle but meaningful glitter.

"I want to go alone."

"Haseo!" Atoli protested, following by Pai's soft; "Haseo, don't be selfish."

"I want to talk to him alone." Haseo repeated. He didn't know what he'd do, or say, when and if he saw him. But he knew he didn't want an audience in such a vulnerable moment.

"He's dangerous." Pai sighed. "As much as he is important to you, he's also a threat. You need backup."

"He won't hurt me." he whispered.

"You don't know that, Haseo." Atoli said weakly.

Distantly he knew he should think about the possibilities, the idea that he might, indeed, cause damage, that if he hurt him once he could definitely hurt him again, but it was hard, especially when he already felt as if he couldn't be hurt any more.

The engagement ring continued to glitter.

"I'm going alone." he said once more.

"Haseo, Master Yata wouldn't want – "

She stopped, her glasses flashing strangely, and a long moment passed, stretching on, in which she seemed to think, and think hard. At last she leaned down and whispered an area word in his ear, bracing one hand on his shoulder.

"Good luck."


	10. Missing

There was a girl in the room when Haseo arrived, sitting in a wooden chair.

She was young – very young, with light blue hair and far-away eyes. Her white, layered dress swayed slightly, as if in an invisible wind. Her body was encased in Ovan's shadow. Haseo couldn't see his face, but for one fleeting moment, he imagined the look in his eyes – missing, strange, and desperate. He never thought he'd see Ovan in such a light, and yet here they were, two characters under a bluish hue, and Haseo, watching.

Ovan said, "Her name is Aina. It's a good name, isn't it, Haseo?"

He dropped his gaze, his brain a whirl of white static. _I hate you, _he wanted to say. _I love you. I wish you'd go away, I wish you'd never leave. Why are you doing this to me? Why are you trying to drive me insane? _

His words came distantly, as if he were hearing himself from a filter, miles and miles away. "I can't marry you."

Ovan didn't flinch, didn't move, didn't say a word. Aina's hands sat on the armrests of her chair, like twin ghosts. Haseo traced the patterns of her fingers with his eyes, trying to collect himself. "Weddings are supposed to be happy." he forced himself to continue, heart beating madly in his chest. "We're not happy, Ovan—"

"Masato."

Haseo closed his eyes. "Is that your real name?" he whispered. When Ovan didn't answer, he felt his lips twitch in the barest of smiles. "I'm Ryou."

Ovan's head bowed slightly in a nod. "It's strange, isn't it, Haseo?" his voice was light, almost whimsical, out of place in the strange environment. "How the tides turn. . .isn't it unusual, how people change? Suddenly, who you think they are isn't who they are at all."

He turned to face him, a blank smile on his face.

"I deceived you." He said.

"Why?" Haseo breathed.

"I'm selfish." Ovan replied gently. "I've always been selfish." His hand found the young girl's – Aina's – and closed over it with care. As Haseo watched, he kneeled down and grasped her shoulders tightly, but with amazing grace and love.

"Aina." he said softly, "Now is the time for you to finally be set free."

Haseo tried to watch. His eyes fixed on their bodies, on their rapidly paling forms, even as a phantom wind filled the room, even as he felt his hair whipping around him and Ovan's clothes fanning out behind him and Aina's long locks whirling around her face and over her blank, golden eyes. But soon it was almost as if someone had pressed their hand over his face and the blackness was steadily swallowing him, pulling him away into another land, a place where Ovan no longer existed.

When he opened his eyes again, he didn't know where he was, or any of the details he should have been given. All that existed at the girl within the at-home, a shadow of the man he loved, looking up at them with wide, frightened eyes and blue hair that was far too close to Ovan's.

---

Haseo heard many new things in the hours following, things explained to him by Yata and Pai and Atoli and Kuhn. "His sister," Kuhn had said, "Ovan's little sister. He's revived her. He fought for her."

He learned the word 'cubia gomora', which seemed alien to him, distant and unimportant. According to Yata, it was their new enemy, and something that had to be destroyed as soon as possible. He learned that, as Pai put it, 'he would want you to fight.' He learned that the others had immediately lapsed into talking about Ovan as if he were dead.

As time passed, Aina found him alone and sat before him with a look of intelligence in her eyes that far surpassed his expectations.

"I need to talk to you." she said in a soft voice. "I want to know what happened."

So he told her. As his voice washed over her, her hand found his without the slightest flickering of her eyes, but rather than closing over the back of his palm as Ovan always did, she brushed her fingertips against the metallic edge of his wedding ring.

"This." she said. "My brother's?"

When Haseo said nothing, she smiled and dipped her head a little, blue hair swaying. "He always acts so tough." she whispered, more to herself than to Haseo. "I knew he'd fall in love someday, though."

Looking down at her little white hand against the band around his finger, his heart seemed to rise into his throat.

_Everything's moving too fast, _he wanted to say. _It's not fair. _He hated himself immediately for thinking like that, like a child, like someone who had already given in. Aina's close-lipped smile seemed to make her face glow gently, but beneath it was a pain that made his head spin.

"Masato." he muttered. Aina's shoulders hunched slightly, but this time, he didn't notice.

---

When the hunt in the outer dungeon began, it was as if his body was moving of it's own accord.

"We have to do this." Atoli said, standing close to him, her presence an unspoken comfort. "This is the last step. We can do this!"

They moved past the doppelgangers, past the smaller battles, and somehow nothing seemed to take a toll on him. His HP dropped occasional, and Atoli's determined 'repth!' restored it in an instant. Beside him, the other's eyes burned with a new kind of life and maturity, a battle aura and combined unity that kept their forms tall and proud.

Cubia was waiting. He could sense it's form in the distance.

"This is the final summoning." Silabus said as they climbed the last stair. "Haseo, it's up to you." Somehow, he had expected those words to eat at him, the phrase '_lean on me' _echoing in his head, but looking into their eyes, he could see their respect, their bravery and independence. "Yes." he said. "Let's go."

As their wave symbols began to shine around him, his hand rose to his chest.

"Skeith." he said, and voices of his friends echoed alongside him. The pulsing of his heart seemed to magnify in his head. Far away, he imagined Ovan's strange smile, and he thought, _Masato, Masato. _The name was like a good luck chant.

Atoli's breathing and clicking heels filled the air, along with Pai's determined voice and the shirt whirling of her fists. His scythe slashed at Cubia's belly, and with every cut, another scene seemed to flash through his vision, Ovan in the cathedral, Ovan with the rain sliding past him, Ovan whispering 'let me remember you. . ."

Cubia's scream was unearthly, but it rang emptily in his ears. He heard his own ragged breaths and curses swimming around him. Atoli was shouting 'repth!' in her high, soft voice. Her white body flashed from the corner of his eye, along with Pai's shock of pink. His HP drained slowly.

"We can't!" Pai said. "We need all the epitaphs!"

"Need you." came a voice, and it took him a moment to realize it was his own. "Need you, Ovan!" The attack was breaking, his avatar was shattering along his fist, jagged spider-webs of light that shone against the back of his hand.

And a gloved hand enveloped his fingers.

"Haseo." said a very familiar voice, and in the moment, everything seemed predictable and right. "Can we do it?"

It clicked. The last puzzle piece slid into place. Beneath them, Cubia seemed suddenly small.

_Are you dead?_ he almost asked, _is this an illusion? Am I dreaming, Ovan, or are you just a ghost?_

"Haseo." his calm tone seemed to wrap him up, making the colors twist and blur until they were brighter and clearer and perfectly true. There was no time to question anymore. There was no time to think.

"Yeah." he said. "Of course we can."


	11. Final

The world was a backdrop of white. Haseo breathed deeply, Cubia's bizarre voice reverberating in his head, slowly dying, replaced by a calm, steady note. Before him was Ovan, but somehow, he wasn't surprised. He belonged there.

"You always belonged there." he found himself saying out loud.

A gentle smile washed across his face, making him look younger and lighter. His eyes were soft and for what seemed like the first time, infinitely honest. There was pain, Haseo thought. There was always pain. His hand unconsciously found the wedding ring on his finger.

Ovan stepped closer.

"You said you couldn't marry me." he whispered, his tone unreadable, and before Haseo could even think to reply, he continued, "I'd make an awful husband, I know." There was a teasing air to him, sweet and right. "I lied you. I ruined you. So. . .so selfish. . ."

His hand found Haseo's cheek, yet all he felt was a chill. His breath caught in his throat. "Are you real?" he asked dimly. Ovan's eyes flickered strangely.

"I'm here." he said. "I see you, Haseo." Haseo could almost feel his breath during the quiet air. He closed his eyes briefly, a mix of feelings rising up into him. When he opened them again, Ovan's red glasses seemed suddenly transparent, and his blue eyes took over his mind.

". . .I love you, you bastard." Haseo whispered, his voice breaking.

Ovan kissed him, and it was like kissing a ghost, so cold and unreal, but he leaned into it, knowing he might never get to do it again. When they broke away, his face felt warm, blushing in a way he had never experienced before – without the slightest bit of shame.

And then turned away slowly hazily, his tall frame seeming to be enveloped in a fog. Haseo stepped forward, and yet the distance between them seemed to stretch on forever. His hand extended, fingers stretched, and for a moment it felt as if someone had clenched a fist around his heart. _Ovan, _he wanted to scream, _Matato. _

And in the last moment, he turned his face back toward him, a whirl of black feathers beginning to fade over his body.

"You know. . ." Ovan breathed, "and ending. . .is really like a new beginning. Don't you think that's true?"


	12. Epilogue

Masato Indou looked peaceful in he sleep, and he imagined for a moment that the eyes beneath his closed lids were peaceful, too. Shino found a chair for him and waited politely until he was ready to sit down to take a seat herself. She was wearing a long, black skirt and a white jacket. Her eyes were kind and filled with a warm, honest love.

"He's very kind." she commented, looking down at Masato with some sadness. "You should see him standing up, Ryou. I have to look up at him, he's very tall."

He couldn't seem to find his voice. Shino shifted a little, smoothing out the folds of her skirt. "Do you love him?" she asked, and when he didn't reply, she continued, "He loved you. . .always, I think. I could tell by the way he said your name. That always seems to be what gives a person away." Her tone was affectionate. He nodded weakly.

"It's difficult." she whispered. "But I know he'll pull through. When he does, I want to see you two standing together. You can hold his hand, and I'll take your picture and hang it on my wall, right beside the baby ferns." Shino touched her lips as she smiled. "We made it." she said.

"Yes." his voice sounded different. "We made it."

Somehow, they found each other's hands. He squeezed her fingers tightly as he looked down at Masato's pale face. "Shino?"

"Yes?"

"I made him promise he'd tell you about it. Face-to-face. When he does, you'll have to pretend you don't know for me."

She laughed lightly. "I will."

"But I did. Love him, I mean." he said quietly. She nodded sweetly and gave his hand a light squeeze. "I know." she said. "I'm happy."

For a long time, there was silence. Then, she breathed, "He'll wake up. Soon."

"How do you know?" he asked.

"Don't you feel it?" Shino replied, and he closed his eyes briefly. From far away, a voice seemed to say, _'I love you. I always loved you.'_

"Yes." he whispered. "I feel it."

And for the first time in a long time, he let himself smile.

---

Haseo was alone when the short message popped on to his screen.

_Mac Anu Chaos Gate. I love you._

_Masato_

He re-read the words on the screen five times before they began to make sense. All the noise in the world seemed to have fallen away, leaving him with only the white typed letters. His face felt very pale.

"Oh." he said at last. "That's right." Haseo almost laughed, dizzy and shaken, and as if his body had a life of it's own, he headed through the busy streets of Mac Anu and toward the wedding shop again.

Nobody seemed to notice him. Perhaps, he thought, it was because now that things had changed, he couldn't bring himself to care. The woman behind the counter smiled when she saw him, and he held his hand up to show her the ring on his finger before her face lit up and she crossed to the front to find him the data again.

"It's been a while!" she said happily. "Will you be wearing this soon? I can –"

"Um, now." Haseo said in a very small voice, and she smiled brightly.

He didn't stop to look in the mirror, though the caught up with him a few steps toward the entrance and happily straightened the white roses. "Oh." she kept saying happily, "I wish I could do this more often!"

He laughed, and the sound of it surprised him, free from worries. His heart was beating wildly in his chest, and as soon as he was back in Mac Anu again, it was as if everyone had disappeared.

He knew there were countless eyes on him as he rushed back to the Chaos Gate dressed in white. He knew there were strangers watching, and probably friends, too, as he held a hand over his head to keep the roses in place, in spite of the fact that they were lopsided again anyway by the time he reached the stairs. He knew they were whispering as he rushed past them breathlessly, the only sound in his head the own pounding of his heart. The ring glittered in the sunlight out of the corner of his eye, and for the first time, he realized that that was exactly what he had wanted all along.

When he reached the swirling, metallic arches of the gate, the first thing he saw was Ovan. He was sitting down, both arms resting on his legs with a casual air he had never seen before, looking up at Haseo was overwhelming warmth. He took a deep breath, but before he could speak, Haseo cut him off.

"Marry me."

A look of surprise crossed his features, followed by amusement. _'Selfish'_ he mouthed out fondly as he got to his feet, and Haseo yelped loudly as Ovan braced one arm around his shoulders and another around his knees and lifted him swiftly off the ground.

"Ovan!" he hissed, hanging on to his shoulders instinctively. The wedding gown trailed off behind him, the very edges still sweeping the floor, and among the startled crowd, neon arches of light began to surround them, warping them away.

For a moment, he was impossibly dizzy and light, the only sensations registering in his head that of Ovan's warm hands and the hot blush on his face. When the light faded beneath them, he found himself being placed back on the ground gently, with the tenderness only a lover could have.

The world righted itself again. He stared at Ovan, who was watching him with a gentle smile.

"Well, Haseo." he said lightly, "What shall we do now?"

An wave of blissful relief washed over him, to be back in the world, safe and sure with Ovan in front of him again. Feeling himself grin, his hand found the crossed strap of the dress and slid off his shoulder lightly.

"What do you _think_?" he said.

---

FIN

---

A/N: I want to thank you all so much for reading, especially those of you who stuck through from the beginning. It's been rough, but here's your ending, and hopefully it wasn't too horrible! I want to give a big thank you to my best friends, Tanto-chan and Hotaru, who read the beginnings of this before it was even publish and egged me on to keep going, and to Mewsette as well, who's reviews on every chapter always gave me something to look forward to. Thank you dears! I hope you enjoyed the fic, and I really appreciate everything! Much love,

Chikara


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